Suicide jokes
What did the boy say to the noose?
"Can you please tie me."
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window, and jumps out.
Why do transgender people have high rates of suicide?
Because they can't accept themselves for who they are, but they want everyone else to accept them.
"Kill yourself. Stop thinking whether or not to do it, you dumb fucking cunt, no one likes you. Jump off a fucking 3 story building, bitch."
Why do trannies have such high rates of suicide?
Because they want everyone to accept them, but they can't accept themselves.
You wanna know what I have in common with an apple?
We BOTH look good hanging in a tree.
Are you a rope? Cause I'm tryna put you around my neck 😏
An apple and an emo kid fell from a tree, which one hit the ground?
The apple, because the rope caught the emo kid.
Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.
Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.
Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.
Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.
Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)
A man named Icide ruined my life. I asked a friend if he would help me sue him. He said yes. But for some reason, he killed me.
All I wanted was for someone to help me sue Icide...
Why are people that have bipolar disorder never on suicide watch?
Because they are always sucking dick.
Q: What's the difference between Jeffrey Epstein and wind chimes?
A: Wind chimes don't make a gurgling sound when they're hung.
Depressed person: *chokes on food*
*involuntary coughs until they can breathe*
"AWWW! I failed the race!"
Don't commit suicide, that stuff kills you.
If I worked for Edexcel, I'd give Caroline Flack an A* for her physics experiment.
I was watching The Conjuring with an emo person. She said she likes the part where the girl was hanging. I said, "Why? Because you wish it were you?"
What's the best way to get an emo out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
Once in 4th grade, right now, I told a random tree, "Hey, my day is bad right now, can we hang later?"
The tree said: "Yeah, we are going to be hanging every day :) !!! If you can last :)"
How do you get an emo out of the tree?
You cut the rope.
One time Little Johnny saw someone in his yard tying a rope to a tree, and he moved the stool and the tree broke. Little Johnny screamed, "HAHA! You're skinny enough to break the tree!"