Suicide jokes
An apple and an emo kid fell from a tree, which one hit the ground?
The apple, because the rope caught the emo kid.
You wanna know what I have in common with an apple?
We BOTH look good hanging in a tree.
Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.
Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.
Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.
Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.
Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)
A man named Icide ruined my life. I asked a friend if he would help me sue him. He said yes. But for some reason, he killed me.
All I wanted was for someone to help me sue Icide...
I was watching The Conjuring with an emo person. She said she likes the part where the girl was hanging. I said, "Why? Because you wish it were you?"
Don't commit suicide, that stuff kills you.
What's the best way to get an emo out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
Once in 4th grade, right now, I told a random tree, "Hey, my day is bad right now, can we hang later?"
The tree said: "Yeah, we are going to be hanging every day :) !!! If you can last :)"
How do you get an emo out of the tree?
You cut the rope.
One time Little Johnny saw someone in his yard tying a rope to a tree, and he moved the stool and the tree broke. Little Johnny screamed, "HAHA! You're skinny enough to break the tree!"
You're so ugly that if you looked in the mirror, you would walk into the light.
If I worked for Edexcel, I'd give Caroline Flack an A* for her physics experiment.
Q: What's the difference between Jeffrey Epstein and wind chimes?
A: Wind chimes don't make a gurgling sound when they're hung.
Depressed person: *chokes on food* *involuntary coughs untill they can breathe* "AWWW I failed the race!!"
👌neck
Name 1 way to decrease overpopulation:
Get rid of all the suicide prevention lines so the suicidal people can kill themselves.
An emo kid in a leaf falls from a tree. Who falls first? Delete the rope, stop the emo.
Clear all your debts with one easy payment. Buy a shotgun and blow your head off.
Suicide bombers, carry bombs and remember to breathe.
What has more brains than Kurt Cobain?
The wall behind him :)