Suicide jokes

Why did the emo kid try [to] high five the tree?

So it can hang him.

When there's no piñata at the party, but the emo kid just hung himself.

Did you hear about the emo kid that tried to high-five a tree? It left him hanging.

You know how we all have different sides? Well, I have a suicidal side. (Here a bang in the next room.) Oh well, not anymore :)

What does a physicist call it when a suicidal person is high up? Potential energy.

Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry?

Well, they aren't.

Why?

They aren't repeated customers.

Are you going to jump? Can I jump with you?

What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair? (RC-XD)

What hit the ground first in a tree, a leaf or an emo kid?

The leaf, because an emo kid got a rope to save him!

Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.

I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they got excited and asked if I could drive a B-52.

I was riding my bike when I saw a man's head in the wheel. It was mine.

A leaf and an emo kid fall from a tree. Which one is gonna land first?

The leaf, because the rope stops the emo kid.

Why did the emo step in front of a car? To get to the other side.

So put your best face on everybody, pretend you know this song everybody.

*pulls out noose* "COME HANG!"

*pulls out gun* Let's go out with a bang... Bang- *gunshot*

What did the tree do to the emo?

He left him hanging.

Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.

10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.

How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.

My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.

Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:

"What advice do you have for people out there?"

As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.