Suicide jokes

I was riding my bike when I saw a man's head in the wheel. It was mine.

Noose: "Hey man, wanna hang out?"

Corpse: "Sorry man, I'm dead inside."

Are you a rope? Because I want to hang sometimes.

If you drop an emo and a piece of paper out of a tree, you know what will hit the floor first? The paper, because the rope will stop the emo.

I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they got excited and asked if I could drive a B-52.

Hey I have a joke for you.

My life hahah. I wanna die.

How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.

Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.

Mom: Witherspoon.

Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!

My hair goes just onto my collar bones. WOW! That's longer than I'll live.

I stood on the edge of a building and someone yelled, "Do a flip!"..... and I did.

Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:

"What advice do you have for people out there?"

As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.

What's the difference between an emo kid and an apple?

One hits the ground when they fall from the tree.

Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.

10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.

A leaf and an emo kid fall from a tree. Which one is gonna land first?

The leaf, because the rope stops the emo kid.

What did the tree do to the emo?

He left him hanging.

Yo mama is so ugly, her self-portraits hanged themselves.

An apple and an emo are at the top of a tree, they both fall at the same time.

Who hit the ground first?

The apple won because the emo had forgotten to connect the internet.

My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.

So put your best face on everybody, pretend you know this song everybody.

*pulls out noose* "COME HANG!"

*pulls out gun* Let's go out with a bang... Bang- *gunshot*

Why did the emo step in front of a car? To get to the other side.