Suicide

Suicide jokes

Kid

What does a depressed kid who loves geometry use to kill themself?

A hypoteNUSE!

Hospital

What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit suicide.

(YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)

People

Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry?

Well, they aren't.

Why?

They aren't repeated customers.

Physicist

What does a physicist call it when a suicidal person is high up? Potential energy.

Therapist

Dark Humor

I told my therapist I feel suicidal. He charged me in advance.

Depression

Lemme just say one thing:

Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.

Rape

Rape victim: I want to die.

Man: Hang in there.

Rape victim: That's what I'll do, I'll hang myself.

Son

My dad: You better wear flip-flops everywhere.

Suicidal son: Goes to crack alley.

Hangman

What is an emo's most hated game? Hangman.

Because it's rubbing it in their face that they can't hang themselves.

Guy

This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.

Jesus

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find Jesus instead, he'll help you!"

And then the man says, "It's pretty hard to 'get help' from something that doesn't exist."

Emo

Why is the record for longest jump kept by an emo?

They're still hanging.

Orphan

Why did the orphan kill itself?

Because he's depressed about no family.

Orphan

Why did the orphan die?

He killed himself because the lack of a support system made him depressed.