Suicide jokes
Who was most surprised by Jeffrey Epstein's suicide?
Jeffrey Epstein.
What does a physicist call it when a suicidal person is high up? Potential energy.
What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit suicide.
(YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)
Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry?
Well, they aren't.
Why?
They aren't repeated customers.
Noose: "Hey man, wanna hang out?"
Corpse: "Sorry man, I'm dead inside."
Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:
"What advice do you have for people out there?"
As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.
I was riding my bike when I saw a man's head in the wheel. It was mine.
A leaf and an emo kid fall from a tree. Which one is gonna land first?
The leaf, because the rope stops the emo kid.
I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they got excited and asked if I could drive a B-52.
I stood on the edge of a building and someone yelled, "Do a flip!"..... and I did.
Hey I have a joke for you.
My life hahah. I wanna die.
What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair? (RC-XD)
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.
Are you going to jump? Can I jump with you?
What hit the ground first in a tree, a leaf or an emo kid?
The leaf, because an emo kid got a rope to save him!
Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.
Mom: Witherspoon.
Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!
My hair goes just onto my collar bones. WOW! That's longer than I'll live.
How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.
An apple and an emo are at the top of a tree, they both fall at the same time.
Who hit the ground first?
The apple won because the emo had forgotten to connect the internet.
What did the tree do to the emo?
He left him hanging.