Suicide jokes

I stood on the edge of a building and someone yelled, "Do a flip!"..... and I did.

Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:

"What advice do you have for people out there?"

As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.

Noose: "Hey man, wanna hang out?"

Corpse: "Sorry man, I'm dead inside."

Are you a rope? Because I want to hang sometimes.

If you drop an emo and a piece of paper out of a tree, you know what will hit the floor first? The paper, because the rope will stop the emo.

So put your best face on everybody, pretend you know this song everybody.

*pulls out noose* "COME HANG!"

*pulls out gun* Let's go out with a bang... Bang- *gunshot*

Why did the emo step in front of a car? To get to the other side.

What does a physicist call it when a suicidal person is high up? Potential energy.

Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry?

Well, they aren't.

Why?

They aren't repeated customers.

What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit suicide.

(YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)

Did you know Kurt had dandruff?

Found his head and shoulders behind the couch.

What does a depressed kid who loves geometry use to kill themself?

A hypoteNUSE!

Are you going to jump? Can I jump with you?

What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair? (RC-XD)

Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.

What hit the ground first in a tree, a leaf or an emo kid?

The leaf, because an emo kid got a rope to save him!

Who was most surprised by Jeffrey Epstein's suicide?

Jeffrey Epstein.

Lemme just say one thing:

Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.

Rape victim: I want to die.

Man: Hang in there.

Rape victim: That's what I'll do, I'll hang myself.

My dad: You better wear flip-flops everywhere.

Suicidal son: Goes to crack alley.