Suicide jokes

An apple and an emo are at the top of a tree, they both fall at the same time.

Who hit the ground first?

The apple won because the emo had forgotten to connect the internet.

What's the difference between an emo kid and an apple?

One hits the ground when they fall from the tree.

Yo mama is so ugly, her self-portraits hanged themselves.

Noose: "Hey man, wanna hang out?"

Corpse: "Sorry man, I'm dead inside."

Are you a rope? Because I want to hang sometimes.

If you drop an emo and a piece of paper out of a tree, you know what will hit the floor first? The paper, because the rope will stop the emo.

What does a depressed kid who loves geometry use to kill themself?

A hypoteNUSE!

What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit suicide.

(YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)

What does a physicist call it when a suicidal person is high up? Potential energy.

Lemme just say one thing:

Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.

Rape victim: I want to die.

Man: Hang in there.

Rape victim: That's what I'll do, I'll hang myself.

My dad: You better wear flip-flops everywhere.

Suicidal son: Goes to crack alley.

What is an emo's most hated game? Hangman.

Because it's rubbing it in their face that they can't hang themselves.

What happened when the depressed kid went to give it a high five?

It left him hanging.

This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.

A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find Jesus instead, he'll help you!"

And then the man says, "It's pretty hard to 'get help' from something that doesn't exist."

When there are more suicidal people, it means there are fewer suicidal people. That means there is an infinite generator of them.

Why is the record for longest jump kept by an emo?

They're still hanging.

A man went into a library to get a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian said, "No, you won't bring it back."

Are you a gun because I want to live with you?