Suicide jokes
A suicidal customer walks into a gun store.
Cashier: Is this your final purchase?
Customer: Actually, yes it is!
Life is like a penis. Other people make it hard.
My fortune cookie said, "Your existing plans will succeed." Not necessarily, since I'm suicidal...
If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb to the top of your ego then jump to your IQ.
My dad told me to stop with the suicide jokes, so I said I’ll cut it out.
I'm thinking of getting a job as a gardener--pushing up the daisies!
How do you know the hooker killed herself?
She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.
What do Logan Paul, KSI, and the Japanese suicide victim have in common?
Tying.
I called the suicide hotline, and he suggested I draw on myself to distract myself.
I replied I'd get ink poisoning.
Wouldn't recommend, the police came.
I have a joke about suicide, but I’ll just let it hang.
What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?
What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?
So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging themselves? I guess they lost Hangman.
Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?
Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.
Why did the math book kill itself?
It had too many problems.
What did the phone receptionist at the suicide hotline tell the callers?
Hang in there!
Are suicide bombers taught properly how to fly, or...
Are they just given a quick crash course?
I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.
I am a reverse rapper because I put bars in my mouth.
They say they'll stay, but I left first.
Wanna know why I don’t make suicidal jokes?
Because I am one.