Suicide

Suicide Jokes

Friend

Me to friend: I'm homeschooled.

Friend: If I was homeschooled, I'd kms.

Me: Oh, I already tried that.

Rose

Roses are red, violets are blue, you know what else is violent? Suicide with me and you.

Dog

People say dogs are like their owners. So true. My dog keeps on running into the street as if she doesn't care about her life.

I don't care about her life either hahahaha!! :)

Kilometer

I sexually identify as kilometers per second.

Cuz I really wanna km/s (kill myself).

Tire

How were tire swings made?

A tire said, "Goodbye world," and hung himself.

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  • Bleach

    Friend 1: What's your favorite drink or food?

    Friend 2: Pizza.

    Friend 3: Donuts.

    Friend 4: I don't eat food but I do drink bleach.

    Friend 1: (calling the suicide hotline)

    Friend 2: (Calling the parents)

    Terrorist

    The only profession where one could have coronavirus and still go to work is a suicide terrorist.

    Laugh

    If you're here for a cheap laugh about suicide, I'll give you some real killer jokes!

    Hat

    Suicide isn't funny, but you can spice it up by wearing a fun hat.

    Movie

    Did you know Disney is making a movie for suicidal people?

    They're calling it Finding Emo.

    Wrist

    What do cutting boards and a suicidal teen's wrist have in common?

    They both have cutting marks.

    Life

    Random person: Minecraft is actually more peaceful than real life.

    Me: Well, screw life. Maybe if I light a fire on myself, I will go to Minecraft (my excuse for suicide).