Suicide jokes

Go Kermit, toaster bath.

A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. "One more picture and I'll jump." He takes another photo and shuts the window. "I can't jump, you're not supposed to throw trash out the window."

JACK smoked some shit in the casino bathroom.

Then fucked a slut, played some slots, took some shots, then shot a JOKER!

It's a sad story, because JACK killed himself, but he died with a smile.

DEEZ NUTS!

What is a suicide pack's favorite song?...

Let the bodies hit the floor.

What do you call a group of emos?

Suicide Squad.

Suicide gives you security for the future.

Decide the day of suicide and live with full joy till that day, and you can choose to postpone it.

Why did Logan Paul go to the suicide forest?

To see who's hanging around.

I'm a fast reader, I can go through 20 stories in a few seconds.

Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.

I got a lot running through my head right now. I wish at least one was a 12-gauge round.

I like when people say they hate me because we have something in common. <3

If I hung myself from a cliff, would people call me a cliffhanger?

You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself ;)

I tried to commit suicide today; never doing that again. I almost killed myself.

People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.

There are so many things going through my head. Sadly, none of it is a 9mm.

An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.

*A few minutes later*

son: There.

mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?

son: Dad showed me before he died.

mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*

What did the suicidal leprechaun say?

"Irish I was dead."

I am a reverse rapper because I put bars in my mouth.