Suicide jokes
If I hung myself from a cliff, would people call me a cliffhanger?
You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself ;)
I tried to commit suicide today; never doing that again. I almost killed myself.
People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.
There are so many things going through my head. Sadly, none of it is a 9mm.
An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.
*A few minutes later*
son: There.
mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?
son: Dad showed me before he died.
mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*
What did the suicidal leprechaun say?
"Irish I was dead."
I am a reverse rapper because I put bars in my mouth.
A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am, I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide.” The librarian replies, “No, you won’t give it back.”
I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."
Why did I walk across the road?
To get hit by a car.
The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work... He’s a suicide bomber.
Why did 10 kill itself?
Because it was between 9/11.
Go commit Thanos finger snap.
Everyone laughs when a bully teases someone, but no one laughs when that person commits suicide.
Why do emo people want to be called scene now? The only thing I've seen from them is their suicide rate climbing.
What do emos and apples have in common?
They both hang on trees.
The gas prices are going up so much that even Hitler is killing himself.
People say dogs are like their owners. So true. My dog keeps on running into the street as if she doesn't care about her life.
I don't care about her life either hahahaha!! :)
What's the last thing that went through Curt Cobain's mind?
His teeth.