Still jokes

Today, I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.

Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?

Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.

Yo mama's so fat, when she went on the scale it said, "Still counting."

What's the difference between emos and 9/11?

The emos are still there, high up off the ground.

A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labor. The doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father. They agree, so the machine is used. 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not feeling anything, 100%, nothing.

The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.

If you kill someone, that's murder.

If you kill a family member, that's still murder.

If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."

A boy and his friend were walking down the street.

Boy 1: "Bro, you still got my Nikes?"

Boy 2: "Yeah, sorry. I got them dirty."

Boy 1: "Please clean them, we have school tomorrow."

Boy 2 got back to his house and decided to clean his friend's shoes. After he finished drying them, he got stuck in his painfully small dryer. Then he remembered his brother needed something from the dryer. So he tried to get out, when his brother came in.

He came in twice.

(like if u understand)

Your momma's so fat, when she pulls her knickers down, her ass is still in them.

Rape jokes are like your dad's dick. You don't want it but you still get it anyway.

What hates socialism but still uses roads, police, and says they support the military?

Dumb right wingers.

Yo mama is so fat that when I was printing a picture of her last year, it's still printing.

Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!

All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.

Want to hear a joke about construction?

Sorry, I'm still working on it.

Who can jump the highest?

Emos, some of them are still in the air.

Good news, people! Michael Jackson is still alive. They found him hidden away in a goat pen with all the kids!

Why can’t orphans fly? Because they’re still winging it.

Does anyone still look at this? If you do, tell me if I should make more jokes :)

A computer is a HARDware device. How come someone still feels it is MicroSOFT?

It's past April Fool's Day, and we still have a joke as president.

You wanna hear a construction joke?

I'm still workin' on it!