How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?
They'll tell you.
What's the difference between a blonde and a car door? The harder you slam the blonde, the looser it gets.
What do feminists and dogs share in common? They need to be taken to obedience school.
What do you call an old black person? Farming antique.
Why don’t cannibal kids eat people with Down Syndrome? Because kids don’t like vegetables.
What do you call a black person with a gun? Black ops.
A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull.
The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram."
She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable."
Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? That's a silly question. Feminists can't change anything.
Two blondes fell in a hole and one asked, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" and the other one says, "I don't know, I can't see."
What’s the difference between a retard and a zombie? Nothing much, they both dribble, moan, are hungry, walk weirdly, and it takes a bullet in the head to put them both down.
It isn't rap music if it isn't about rape.
Why are Americans good at Rubik's Cubes?
They're so good at separating colors.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
As many as you like. They can’t change anything.
Straights are ALWAYS asking LGBTQ+ people why they have such GOOD FASHION SENSE. We didn't spend all that time in the closet for nothing, honey ;)
Why do Down's kids blend in in geometry?
Their foreheads are angled.
What is a pedophile's favorite job?
The mall santa.
An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. "You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?" The Cuban simply says, "See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap."
The other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Oh, OK."
The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. "You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?" The Russian simply states, "See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap." Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Ah, yes! Of course."
The American scratches his head and goes, "I think I see the pattern here." So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!
What do you call a horse rider with Down syndrome?
Down Quijote.
What's the only gun that doesn't exist in Africa?
A water gun.
What do you call a German man who can't see?
A not see.
