What kind of shoes does a kidnapper wear?
White vans.
What happens when an emo kid tries to high-five you? You leave him hanging.
What's the only thing with 4 legs Asians don't eat? A table.
Gays: I like men.
Straights: I like women.
Russia: Hole is hole.
What do you call 4 Mexicans stuck in quick sand?
Quatro Sinco.
What is Africa's most played game?
The Hunger Games.
Do you know why the Japanese have squinted eyes? Because nukes are bright.
Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?
The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....
Q. How do U get the emo out of the tree?
A. Cut the rope.
Why are Americans so dumb?
Because they shoot the ones that go to school.
So I was on a Discord call the other day, and one of my friends, an American buddy, joined, and we had a conversation.
Until they said: "When did pounds change to quid?"
And I said: "They're the exact same thing."
Then they said: "But when did it happen?"
So I said: "When did school change to shooting range?"
You know if you go to Wal-Mart, and go to the milk section, you might just find your dads.
Why do blondes make bad bank robbers?
Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.
How can you tell a blonde likes you? She ducks you two nights in a row.
Midget
Why doesn’t Pakistan have any football teams?
Every corner they get, they open a shop on it!
What do you call a white girl having a seizure? A vanilla shake.
A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull.
The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram."
She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable."
Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"
I stole a wheelchair from a disabled kid. What is he going to do, stand up?
What do you call a Punjabi that’s drowning? Mandeep.
