Steal jokes
Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?
Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.
I was studying in Turin, and my professor told me I had to use PENS only.
I looked in my bag for pens, and they were GONE. I looked at the surveillance footage and saw that CRISTIANO PENALDO stole ALL MY PENS. I was fuming. Shame on you, Penaldo!
Ok, ok, who is trying to be my "long lost brother"? Because last time I checked, I didn't have any sisters or brothers, so stop trying to steal my fame from me and give up. A lot of other people already know you are fake, so get off this website OR JUST STOP!!!
Little Johnny was walking on the street alone one day and saw a robber. Little Johnny says to him "Give the mother fucking broken ass piece of shit back!"
To which the robber says "FUCK YOU! I don't wanna."
Little Johnny calls the police and says "A robber is stealing a broken ass piece of shit purse."
The police said "How old are you?"
Little Johnny then hangs up the phone.
Why was the dog stealing shingles?
He wanted to be a woofer.
What did one mouse say to the other mouse when it tried to steal the cheese?
"That's nacho cheese!"
Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church.
You follow him in, and under their breath, it sounds like somebody says, "You steal." You say in your mind, knowing you have before, "I’m sorry." Then somebody coughs, and under their breath, it sounds like they say again, "You steal," so you whisper quietly, "I’m sorry."
...then somebody in German says, "Schieß den Hurensohn!"
"Look at these kids stealing ideas, bro. They're going to jail."
Why can't you play Uno with Mexicans? They steal all the green cards.
Why are people so good at basketball? They can run, steal, and shoot!
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and my uncle? Nothing, they both steal children.
You have been accused of stealing toilet rolls. How do you plead?
Guilty or not guilty?
Why can't orphans steal bases?
Because they can't find home.
My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it). I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one.
If Hillary and Biden got locked in a room together, all they would talk about is how to ruin America and make a plan to steal children.
To become a licensed airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. But it only takes 10 seconds to steal the pilot’s jacket and hat.
What do you get when Cayden steals your sandwich? A knuckle sandwich.
Me: Sister, stop stealing my stuff or I will make you feel bad.
Sister: No, I won't stop.
Me: Fine, I'm telling the world what you did.
Sister: What? You will see when I post it.
Sister: WHY DID YOU TELL THEM I PEED ON SANTA CLAUS WHEN I WAS 12 YEARS OLD?
Me: BECAUSE YOU DON ́T HAVE A LIFE.
What do you call an Asian that steals cars? Tommy toke a motor.
Why did the police go to a baseball game?
Because a player stole the base.