Steal

Steal jokes

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Man

  • A man in Saudi Arabia was caught stealing hand sanitiser.

    The silver lining for him is that he will not need hand sanitiser anymore!

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    Language

  • I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"

    Orphan

  • So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?

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    Wheelchair

  • Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.

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  • Baby

  • What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?

    I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.

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  • White people

  • Why do white people colonize everything?

    To steal a culture for themselves, something other than fornicating with anything that moves including their own children and pets, which they already do.

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    Criminal

  • For someone to be stealing a bag of gold in Heaven, [they are] a criminal on Earth and [in] Heaven.

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    Zebra

  • A zebra couldn't find any grass. Then he saw a monkey cooking. He thought to steal a little, but he was burned in the fore, and the smoke was all over him. But when he went to the ocean, it was still there, and zebras are stuck in this style forever.

    Orphan

  • Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?

    Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.

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    Brother

  • Ok, ok, who is trying to be my "long lost brother"? Because last time I checked, I didn't have any sisters or brothers, so stop trying to steal my fame from me and give up. A lot of other people already know you are fake, so get off this website OR JUST STOP!!!