State jokes
What's the difference between me and a corpse? I mean, I'm not dead... yet, right?
Bro, why does Ohio look like Fallout 4?
Texas is such a shitty state. There’s a reason it only has one star.
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware?
Idaho... Alaska!
What do you call a virgin from Alabama?
Your hairline's so far up, they call it a skyline!
Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?
What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.
P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.
Why does Fallout look like Ohio?
I'm alive, baby!
Texas be like, "We vote to freeze ourselves!"
"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"
One day I visited my friend in a hospital.
I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"
Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.
I love Alabama. I live there. I have a sign that says, "Sweet Home Alabama!"
What state starts with an "a a lama"?
Me and rose bushes have something in common: mangled, can hurt, red, and people only like one part.
"Joe Mama is very cool. Sweet Home Alabama starts."
Nobody: The crickets in the back: Talk talk talk.
Me: JOE MAMA OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
What question can you never answer yes to?
Answer: Are you asleep yet?
Two boys were playing cards on a picnic table outside the school. Both of the boys had revolvers hidden in their waistband.
Now, one of the boys was a notorious cheater, who liked to hide his cards in his waistband. Recess was just about to end, when all the kids heard a loud bang erupt from the picnic table. In tears, the card player admitted that he had shot the other card player, stating "I played a King, and he started reaching for his waistband!"
A pair of Newfoundlanders, watching TV, saw endless big-budget advertisements for mass-produced American beer.
One Newfie turns to the other and says, "They say that stuff is the biggest seller in the States, but I don't see what the big deal is." So they buy a bottle, pour it into a plain jar and decide to get an expert opinion.
They send a sample to a lab in St. John's to have it analyzed.
A day later, the lab results come back: "Your horse has diabetes."