Stand jokes

A guy asked me what I do for a living.

Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"

One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."

Are you the Twin Towers? I can't stand you.

If there is a guy in a wheelchair and he is a bully, say, "I’m still standing."

Why do gay people only stand crooked? Cuz they can’t be straight.

What do the initials FBI stand for?

Federal Bureau of Idiots.

What do the initials CIA stand for?

Central Intelligence of A**holes.

A: What did the lawyer say to the amputee?

Q: You haven't got a leg to stand on.

P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.

What does ATM stand for?

Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.

😂🤣

What do the initials POOP stand for?

Polacks Order Our Poop. 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩 💩

What comedy skill can’t any cripple master?

Stand up.

The kid in the wheelchair was getting bullied, so I encouraged him to stand up for himself. I don't know why he started crying.

This is a true fact, the letter "F" in orphan stands for family.

How do you make a hotdog stand? You take away its chair.

I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"

He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up, and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up, so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”

My teacher asked the class to stand up if you're dumb. No one did, so she said, "Come on, someone must be dumb," and pointed over to the left side of the classroom. Lil Jonny stands up. "Do you think you're dumb, Lil Jonny?" asked the teacher. "No, I just feel bad for you. You're the only one who stood up," replied Lil Jonny!

Why was the short person a coward? They didn't stand up to challenges.

I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them.

I can also tell if they are standing.

I asked a person in a wheelchair if they wanted to fight. All I had to do is say, "Stand up!"