Stand jokes
Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?
Your mom's so fat, when she stands on the scale, it says, "To be continued..."
Do you guys know what KFC stands for? It stands for kidnapping foster children.
A man finds his son climbing the roof of his house. The kid kept using all sorts of material to climb up, but the dad didn't pay much attention.
Next day the kid went to the state tower and kept climbing using some adhesive gloves. The dad asks his son for a second time: "Son! Why are you doing this?" The son replies: "You told me to aim up high!"
What do the initials FEMA stand for?
Federal Erection Management Agency.
What type of comedy can't Steven Hawking do?
Stand-up comedy.
I can't stand up when I laugh hard; neither can they.
The teacher asks her class, "What is sex?" and Little Jonny stands up and says, "Sex is the temptation caused by the sensation when a boy sticks his location into a girl's destination. Did you get my explanation or do you need a demonstration?" and the teacher fainted.
My girlfriend dumped me today. Apparently, I don't stand up for her in fights. I don't care. She used to push me around all the time.
I got an F in science. F stands for Fantastic!
Why did the people think Stephen Hawking was disrespectful?
'Cause he didn't stand up for the national anthem.
So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.
When the South Tower saw the North Tower collapse, he said, "I'm still standing."
Digga D, I'm a well known bandit, bandit. Had a new mash, just landed. Jheez, cop it, chop it, sand it, hand it. The verbal ting I can't stand it. Wife and two, got tanned when I banged it. Mad ting. Got a conspiracy case in the silliest Place, they're saying that I planned it, damn it. Back on a Feltham landing. You ain't been in the hood like Robin. I ride in hoods tryna leave man red (Crud). The sweets are goldy, yola drops and lots of dred (Maud). No porkies, pepper them pigeons, they chase this ped. Gyal tryna give man noddy, She ain't got balls in her tongue that's dead.
NASA stands for... National Adult S3x Association.
Why couldn't Professor Xavier fight Magneto? Because he couldn't stand up for himself.
What do you call a hippopotamus that stands out from the crowd?
A hipster!
What did the blind man say as he passed the fish stand?
"Hello Ladies!"
Yo mama so fat, she stand on the scale and the scale says: "I want your weight, not your phone number!"
You know, people always tell you to stand up for yourself. Why didn't anyone tell the World Trade Center that? 🤔