Stand jokes
I can’t stand jokes about Germans.
They’re the wurst.
What do the initials UAW stand for?
United Awesome Whores.
Why couldn’t the bike stand up? Cuz it was too tired.
Me going to the principal's after telling the kid with a wheelchair to stand up for himself.
Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?
You know, people always tell you to stand up for yourself. Why didn't anyone tell the World Trade Center that? 🤔
Your forehead is so big I could stand on it.
What do you call two terrorists standing next to each other with their dicks out?
The Twin Towers.
"Stand up for yourself! Oh, come on, walk it off."
I've started playing the triangle for a reggae band. It's pretty casual.
I just stand at the back and ting.
Someone booted Stephen Hawking offline. Maybe next time he will stand for the pledge/anthem.
I love Steven Hawking's stand-up comedy!
I love Steven Hawking’s stand-up comedy!
What do you call an emo kid standing outside the mall?
Anything, he'll cry no matter what you say.
A handicapped person tells a good joke, but he can't be a stand up comedian.
After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer.
The woman goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against the man and explains why.
Q: Why did the ballerina get kicked off the squad?
She was standing way too close to the dancers.
Stand in the corner.
What stands on the side of the road and needs a lot of money to buy?
Billboard, did you think I was gonna say street walker?
You’re so short, you could sweep under your bed while standing.