An American and a Russian are talking. The American says, "We in America have the best democracy . We can stand in front of the White House and shout with impunity: "The American President is a moron!" "We can do that too," says the Russian, walking with the American to the Kremlin and shouting: "The American President is a moron!
Stephen Hawking is a real stand up guy, outSTANDing performance.
Donald Trump and the Pope were standing on a platform in front of a crowd of people. The Pope said to Donald Trump, “I can make everyone in this audience happy with one small swipe of my hand.” Donald Trump replies, “That’s not possible. You’ll have to show me.” Then the Pope slaps him.
Son: Daddy, what's dark humor? Dad: See that man over there with no arms or legs? Go tell him to stand up and clap. Son: But Daddy, I'm blind. Dad: Exactly.
What does the f in orphan stand for- FAMILY😭😭 *ITS DEPRESSING THIS PAGE EXISTS*
What some nasa stand for 🍝🧇🍝🧇🍝
I got sent to the principals office for telling the kid in the wheelchair to stand up for himself
Are you a hotdog stand? Causw you make my hotdog stand ;)
after standing in line staring at mcdonalds menu for 17 minutes] me: ok im ready. can you help me not be sad all the time
why are so many people making fun of people with wheel chairs?
-they can’t stand up for themselves
stephen hawking cant stand for army
Who else liked the part in Morbius when he said his catchphrase "IT'S MORBIN' TIME" and MORBED over everyone. In my theater we had a standing ovation!
There’s this girl who gets bullied for being in a wheelchair
Why don’t she stand up for herself
You know somebody has a fat ass when someone is standing between you and them and all you can focus on is that trunk.
GWEN ARE YOU DEAD?????? IF NOT I AM ALYA THANKS FOR ALWAYS STANDING UP FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!
What's the difference between Chaplin and a politician on a wheel chair? Chaplin does stand-up comedy, and the politician does sit-down... comedy.
When that one night stand says she has Aids butyou laugh "I choose D!" She says...wait what?? I have all of the above! XD
2 cows are standing in a field.
Cow 1: did you hear about the outbreak of mad cow disease?
Cow 2: good thing i'm a helicopter.
Person: Sorry to bother you, but what's the quickest way to get to the hospital?
Stranger: Oh, just go Stand in the middle of the road.
A women decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.
’About 32,’ is the reply.’
‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.<br> A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’
Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.
The clerk responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’
Again she proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, ‘Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, ‘What the hell, go ahead.’
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay.....How old am I?’
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’
‘I was behind you at McDonalds’.
