Stand jokes

Dad: Where is my son?

Son: Come join me with musical chairs, except we stand on them.

Dad: Ok, so do we put this round our neck?

Son: YES!

Mum: AHHHHHHHHHHHH

Q: Why did the ballerina get kicked off the squad?

She was standing way too close to the dancers.

You’re so short, you could sweep under your bed while standing.

Must. Escape. Meme.

Existence is what meme stands for for some haters.

No matter how hard I try, I will never be a stand-up comedian.

Someone booted Stephen Hawking offline. Maybe next time he will stand for the pledge/anthem.

Stand? Wait. No.

My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.

What do the initials UAW stand for?

United Awesome Whores.

When prostitutes misbehave, do their pimps make them stand out on the corner with a "For Rent" sign on their crotch?

I can’t stand jokes about Germans.

They’re the wurst.

Symptoms of Schizophrenia.

The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two or more of the following for at least one month:

Delusions

Hallucinations

Water bottles, strong, Standing tall, like sturdy men, Quenching every thirst.

Clear and transparent, Reflecting strength and resolve, Resilient and pure.

In hand, they offer Refreshing relief, like hugs, Soothing every soul.

Water bottles, like men, Nourish and hydrate our lives, Simple yet vital.

Madden, because tissue, I weep Tears like rivers, cascading deep In this world, so full of strife I find solace in this fragile life.

Oh tissue, tender and so pure, Absorbing pain, a whispered cure. Each tear that falls, you gently hold, A conduit for the stories untold.

In the quiet moments, I confide In your embrace, I can't hide The weight of sorrow, the burden's strain You're there, a balm for every pain.

But madden, oh how you disrupt, In your chaos, emotions erupt. You twist and tangle, hearts collide, Leaving us lost, unable to decide.

Yet even in your tangled mess, You bring forth growth, a rare finesse, For in the madness, we find our way To stand tall, facing a brand-new day.

So madden, meet tissue, ever entwined, In this dance of emotions, our souls aligned. Through tears and anger, joy and fears, We find strength, as life perseveres.

Short and sweet, this tale of strife, Unraveling souls, seeking life. Madden, because tissue, we may be, But we'll rise above, forever free.

What did the Army soldier say after he got his legs fixed?

Afgan-I-Stand.

A Middle Eastern man comes to the states to do a stand up show. He starts by saying “2 Jews walk into a bar, NOT IN MY COUNTRY!”

What does the B in Benoît B. Mandelbrot stand for?

Benoît B. Mandelbrot.

"Stephen Hawking was talking about a cash register at Costco when he said I can’t stand these people. 😳😳😳😳😳😳 What did he saaaaaaayyyyyyy?"

A girl in the shop was getting bullied. She came to me saying, "I’m getting bullied." I told her, "Stand up for herself."

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👨 👨 What does the initials GOP stand for?

👬 Gay man On Penis.