Stand jokes

You know, people always tell you to stand up for yourself. Why didn't anyone tell the World Trade Center that? 🤔

Me going to the principal's after telling the kid with a wheelchair to stand up for himself.

You’re so short, you could sweep under your bed while standing.

Dad: Where is my son?

Son: Come join me with musical chairs, except we stand on them.

Dad: Ok, so do we put this round our neck?

Son: YES!

Mum: AHHHHHHHHHHHH

After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer.

The woman goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against the man and explains why.

Must. Escape. Meme.

Existence is what meme stands for for some haters.

Stand? Wait. No.

Someone booted Stephen Hawking offline. Maybe next time he will stand for the pledge/anthem.

My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.

Q: Why did the ballerina get kicked off the squad?

She was standing way too close to the dancers.

What do you call two terrorists standing next to each other with their dicks out?

The Twin Towers.

"Stand up for yourself! Oh, come on, walk it off."

No matter how hard I try, I will never be a stand-up comedian.

Q. What's an Alzheimer's victim's favourite song? A. Stand Down at Sundown.

Tork Poettschke & Jack London walk down the street together. One asks the other, "May I stand in the middle?"

I can’t stand jokes about Germans.

They’re the wurst.

What do the initials UAW stand for?

United Awesome Whores.

Symptoms of Schizophrenia.

The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two or more of the following for at least one month:

Delusions

Hallucinations

Water bottles, strong, Standing tall, like sturdy men, Quenching every thirst.

Clear and transparent, Reflecting strength and resolve, Resilient and pure.

In hand, they offer Refreshing relief, like hugs, Soothing every soul.

Water bottles, like men, Nourish and hydrate our lives, Simple yet vital.

A chemical store burned down, and the firefighter just stood there, but at the end, the store fire just went out by itself. But the store owner still got angry.

Store owner: Why didn't you take out the fire?

Firefighter: Yeah, but it went out by itself.

Store owner: But still, why?

Firefighter: Your chemical store sells H20.

Store owner: Oh, I get it now!