Stand jokes
Your mom's so fat, when she stands on the scale, it says, "To be continued..."
I can't stand up when I laugh hard; neither can they.
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad husband?
Because he doesn't stand up for his wife.
I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.
Are you the Twin Towers? I can't stand you.
Pov:You start writing son lyrics because you can't stand up for yourself knowing you've lost
Why was Stephen Hawking a bad influence towards kids? Because he couldn’t stand for anything.
What is a disabled person's least favorite song?
"I'm Still Standing."
The "W" in Africa stands for water.
There are two doors leading to Heaven: one for henpecked husbands and one for unhenpecked husbands. The line to the door leading to Heaven for henpecked husbands was five abreast and five miles long. The line leading to the door to Heaven for unhenpecked husbands consisted of only one lonely man.
The guys from the henpecked husband line looked at the one man in the unhenpecked husband line and shout, “Hey, Charlie, why are you standing over there for?” Charlie glances over his shoulder and observes a sea of humanity of henpecked husbands as far as the eye can see and says grudgingly, “I don’t know. My wife told me to stand here.”
Did you know you don't actually wash your hands?
They wash each other while you stand there looking at them like a creep.
So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in. He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.
When you realize your friend standing next to you is adopted and narrates everything he does.
Do you know how to make 4 Albanians stand on a shoebox?
Just tell them that it floats.
Why didn't Trump help someone who can't walk?
He thinks she should stand up for herself.
An old man gets a call from the IRS.
The man on the phone says, “We’ve noticed large sums of money coming in and going out of your account constantly, and we gotta get this straight. Come in tomorrow and we’ll have a chat about this.” The old man thinks for a while and then decides he better get his lawyer to come with him.
The next day the old man and his lawyer show up to the IRS office, and the man there says, ”So we’ve noticed these large sums of money entering and leaving your account nonstop. Can you explain this?” The man replies, ”Well, I will bet on pretty much anything. Like this! I bet you 10,000 I can bite my own eye.” The agent takes the bet, and the man takes out his glass eye and bites it. He then says, ”Wait. I’ll give you a chance to earn your money back, and more! I bet you 20,000 I can bite my other eye.” The agent thinks a minute and realizing the man isn’t blind, takes the bet. The old man takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye. He then says, ”Alright, last chance. I bet you 50,000 I can stand on this side of your office and pee into that wastebasket on the opposite side without getting a drop anywhere in between.” The agent thinks real hard but decides it’s impossible, so takes the bet. The man unzips his pants and pees all over the IRS agent’s desk. The agent jumps up and down and says, “Haha! I got you now!” But the man's lawyer goes pale in the face, sinks his head in his hands, and says, “He bet me 100,000 on the way over here that he could piss all over your desk and you’d just love it!”
Must. Escape. Meme.
Existence is what meme stands for for some haters.
What did the Army soldier say after he got his legs fixed?
Afgan-I-Stand.
Why couldn't Professor Xavier fight Magneto? Because he couldn't stand up for himself.
What do the initials BIBLE stand for?
Bull In Book Lacking Evidence
Someone bullied a disabled person.
The disabled person said they can't stand it.