Stand jokes
Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?
I've started playing the triangle for a reggae band. It's pretty casual.
I just stand at the back and ting.
I love Steven Hawking's stand-up comedy!
I love Steven Hawking’s stand-up comedy!
Stand in the corner.
What stands on the side of the road and needs a lot of money to buy?
Billboard, did you think I was gonna say street walker?
What do you call an emo kid standing outside the mall?
Anything, he'll cry no matter what you say.
After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer.
The woman goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against the man and explains why.
Dad: Where is my son?
Son: Come join me with musical chairs, except we stand on them.
Dad: Ok, so do we put this round our neck?
Son: YES!
Mum: AHHHHHHHHHHHH
Stand? Wait. No.
My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.
Tork Poettschke & Jack London walk down the street together. One asks the other, "May I stand in the middle?"
I can’t stand jokes about Germans.
They’re the wurst.
Me going to the principal's after telling the kid with a wheelchair to stand up for himself.
What do the initials UAW stand for?
United Awesome Whores.
No matter how hard I try, I will never be a stand-up comedian.
Someone booted Stephen Hawking offline. Maybe next time he will stand for the pledge/anthem.
Must. Escape. Meme.
Existence is what meme stands for for some haters.
I don't joke about paraplegics; they wouldn't be able to stand up for themselves.
The penis has a sad life. His hair is always a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.
He also stands up for kids who can't defend themselves.