Speed jokes
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.
Why do cheetahs run?
Why not?
Why can't cheetahs run forever? Because they run out of breath!
Black people run fast.
what is the fastest land animal? the last chicken in a Kenyan village.
A pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly. The man answers, "I don't wake up the kids."
Roses are red. Walls are made of plaster. Schoolchildren can move fast, But bullets can move faster.
What do you call an Indian in a Lamborghini?
CURRY in a hurry.
My friend asked me how fast my humor was, and I said it jumps borders. Then he asked how dark my humor is, and I said it picks cotton.
TDS - Too Damn Slow!
At what speed is the curry going at?
In a hurry to the curry, man!
I'm a fast reader, I can go through 20 stories in a few seconds.
I can measure the speed of an object, because I want to km/s.
Why are cheetahs the best animals?
The cheetah is the fastest land animal in the world. They can reach a top speed of around 113 km per hour.
A cheetah can accelerate from 0 to 113 km in just a few seconds.
Cheetahs are extremely fast; however, they tire quickly and can only keep up their top speed for a few minutes before they are too tired to continue.
Cheetahs are smaller than other members of the big cat family, weighing only 45 – 60 kilograms.
One way to always recognize a cheetah is by the long, black lines which run from the inside of each eye to the mouth. These are usually called “tear lines,” and scientists believe they help protect the cheetah’s eyes from the harsh sun and help them to see long distances.
Cheetahs are the only big cat that cannot roar. They can purr though and usually purr most loudly when they are grooming or sitting near other cheetahs.
While lions and leopards usually do their hunting at night, cheetahs hunt for food during the day.
A cheetah has amazing eyesight during the day and can spot prey from 5 km away.
Cheetahs cannot climb trees and have poor night vision.
With their light body weight and blunt claws, cheetahs are not well designed to protect themselves or their prey. When a larger or more aggressive animal approaches a cheetah in the wild, it will give up its catch to avoid a fight.
Cheetahs only need to drink once every three to four days.
Who's the world's fastest reader?
9/11 victims. They went through 90 stories in 60 seconds.
Chuck Norris can make Minute Maid lemonade in 5 seconds.
My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.
So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
Last time I talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.
What is red and green and goes 100 miles per hour?
A frog in a blender.