Sons jokes

Dad: Ok son, if you fail this test, you're no longer my child, ok?

Son: Ok dad.

AFTER TEST

Dad: Hey son, how'd the test go?

Son: Son?

What did the bull say to his son when he was going to school? "Bison!"

I got a roommate. He killed a butterfly, and I said no butter for a week. The next day, he killed a cockroach. Son of a bitch, nice try.

What did the Asian people name their retarded son?

Sum Ting Wong.

How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s penis.

My young son saw Trump on TV. He asked, "Why is the man on TV painted orange?" I replied, "Son, when Russia pays that much for equipment, they don't want it to rust."

Have you heard of the new sequel to "The Exorcist"?

A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son.

While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.

Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!

Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.

You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.

An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day.

After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer."

Another 20 minutes passes and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips.

The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your dick touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go fuck yourself, these are my chips."

Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"

There was one kid that came home from school and asked his mom what dark humor was.

She said, "Well son, do you see that guy over there across the road? Go give him a high-five."

Son said, "But I can't see."

Mom said, "That's the point."

Son: Dad, what's dark humor?

Dad: Do you see the guy over there with no arms?

Son: No, I'm blind.

My son came up to me and said, "Mom, where are your parents?"

I stared in confusion. I said, "In a far place."

He asked, "In an orphanage?"

A father bought his depressed son a new house, and then pointing at it, he said, "Hang in there, son!"

So, my son is into astronomy, and he asked how stars die. I said, "Usually overdose."

Dad: Son, do you want to play Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?

Son: Sure, let me get it from the closet.

Dad: No, bring your sisters. Just like the game, they can’t move their legs.

My son came to me depressed, so I pointed to the spare bedroom and said, "Hang in here, son."

Son: Dad, I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure you're my parents?

Dad: Oh... well I never thought it would come to this, or to your head that you were kidnapped...

Son: Am I kidnapped?

Dad: Well, you're adopted, and if you want to see your biological parents, they’ll be waiting for you in heaven.

A son walks up to his dad and says, "I'm so gay right now!"

"HOW COULD YOU? I THOUGHT YOU WERE STRAIGHT!!!" screams the dad.

"No, gay as in HAPPY," says the confused son, "I'm so happy right now!"

"Oh," says the dad, "why are you happy?"

Then the son said, "Because I just got 20 dollars for sucking a guy off."

There are Three Sons: Journey, Korean, and Little Joe. They were trapped on a floating island, and a priest gave them each one wish.

The first son wished to go back to the ground. The Second Son wished to go back to the ground. The third son was lonely and wished for his two brothers to come back to the floating island.