Sons jokes

Mom: See that guy over there with no hands, tell him to clap.

Son: Mom, I'm blind.

Mom: Exactly!

What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

One says, "God is my father." The other says, "Who's the father and who is my son?"

A guy walks into a gun store and everything is half off. He looks at his son and says, "I didn't know back to school sales started yet."

So, Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher assigned him to learn the ABC's. So he goes home and asks his mom, who's cooking, "What's the first letter of the ABC's?" He asks, and his mom responds with "SHUT UP... I'M COOKING!"

So then he walks to his sister, who's singing in the shower, and asks her, "What's the 2nd letter of the ABC's?" She responds with "I'm ready to go, I'm ready to go!" Then he walks over to his brother, who's watching Batman, and asks, "What's the 3rd letter of the ABC's?" and his brother responds with "Nu nu nu nu Batman!" Then he proceeds to walk to his dad, who's watching football, and asks, "Dad, what's the 4th letter of the ABC's?" and he responds with "95 HIT EM HARD!" Then he walks to his grandma, who's cooking buns, and asks her, "What's the 5th letter of the ABC's?" and she responds with "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!" Then Johnny proceeds to go to school the next day, and the teacher says to her class, "Can any of you tell me the first letter of the ABC's?" Johnny, of course, raises his hand, and the teacher calls on him. Then he says, "SHUT UP I'M COOKING!" Then the teacher raises and eyebrow and says, "Young man, are you ready to go to the principal's office?" Then he proceeds to say, "I'm ready to go, I'm ready to go!" and he walks to the principal's office. Then she says, "What's your name, son?" He responds with "Nu nu nu nu Batman!" Then the principal asks, "How many spankin's, boy?!" He responds with "95 HIT EM HARD!" and after that, he runs out of the principal's office while yelling "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!"

Johny Sin's son checked his father's folder of p*rn in his laptop.

and found that in all the videos his father is...

What did the tree say to his sister? Wood you please leaf me alone, you son of a birch?

2019 Senior Prank: Hey fellas, let's black out the school. Haha, we're so sneaky, oh yes!

2020 Senior Prank: Hey guys, I'm a tech whiz, let's spread a rumor on the internet saying a disease called the corona virus exists! Haha, it'd be so funny and good, even the whole world might fall for it!

Everyone in December 2020 looks at tech whiz: "...you son of a b*tch!!!"

Tech whiz: "You guys are the a**holes! I mean you fell for it for a whole year!"

A father and a son were painting pictures together. The son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T, and the son said, "What happened to your hand?" looking at the scar tissue near the father's knuckle. The father replied with, "You know what happened, you were there." The son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings. They're exactly the same.

The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there's only one painting.

Two nuns walk into a liquor store, and one asked the clerk for the biggest bottle of Irish whisky he had.

The clerk replied, "Heck no sister, you nuns aren't supposed to drink that stuff!" The nun said, "Well my son, it is not for us, you see, it is for Mother Teresa," then the nun whispers, "She has the constipation."

The clerk said, "Oh, in that case, it's on the house. Here's the biggest jug we have." The nuns thank him, bless him, and leave. A few hours later, as the clerk is leaving, he sees the same two sisters in the parking lot, rolling around and drinking the Irish whiskey. Appalled, he goes over to them and says, "You ladies lied to me! You told me it was for Mother Teresa for her constipation!"

One of the nuns takes another swig, looks up at him and says "You wanna know something buddy? She sure will shit when she sees us!"

A dad asked his son what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday, and he replied, "How about a urinal cake?!"

A child asks his father, "How do you get pink eye?"

Son, I was told it’s from scratching your butt, then rubbing your eyes.

Then the son asks, "How did I get Fungi?" As the father was about to answer, the boy says, "Ohh, so is it from scratching my stinky feet, then rubbing my eye?" ———-Fungeye

A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back.

The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.

Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.

A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.

After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”

“No,” the woman replied. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”

Doctor: I'm sorry, but you still have 10 seconds left.

Man: What?! What about my family?! My son is still missing! I can't just leave like that!

Doctor: Don't worry sir, I told your family.

Man: That's... great... if they found my son, tell them that I love him more than anything and I couldn't keep that promise.

The doctor watches the man closing his eyes while tears fell down from his eyes.

Doctor: I will... dad...

Tq for reading my crappy joke.

Son: Yo dawg, tell me a story.

Dad: Y'all motherfuckers ain't gon' believe dis shit, so there was dis fairy aight, she had wings, so she flys into a KFC, and comes out with wings, chicken wings.

Also, why did Hawking try to walk across the road? His wheelchair only goes 1 mph, so he got hit by a bus.

A girl walks into the church and confesses.

Girl: "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."

Priest: "How have you sinned, may I ask?"

Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."

Priest: "Why did you call a man a son of a bitch?"

Girl: "He held my hand."

Priest: "Like this?" (He holds the girl's hand.)

Girl: "Yes, Father."

Priest: "That does not explain why you called a man a bitch."

Girl: "He started taking off my clothes."

Priest: "Like this?" (He takes off the girl's clothes.)

Girl: "Yes, Father."

Priest: "That also doesn't explain why you called the man a bitch."

Girl: "Then he took off his clothes and put his you know what into my you know what."

Priest: "Like this?" (He puts his you know what into her you know what.)

Girl: "Yes, Father! Yes, Father!"

Priest: "Then what?"

Girl: "Then he got up and left me naked."

Priest: "That son of a bitch!"

So my son came up to me and said, "Hey, Dad, I’m hungry." So I replied "Hi, Hungry, I’m Dad."

And then I feed him my dick.

A father and son duo are sitting at a table, eating breakfast. The father looks at the child and says, "I'm hungry." The child looks at the father and replies, "Hi Hungry, I'm Son." The father calls his father and asks why he was named Hungry.

One day a Chief was talking to his son... "Son," the father said, "Long ago the Woman didn't have anybody to take her to BINGO. So, the Creator put the Woman to sleep and cut off her butt cheeks and made her a Man. That's why today Indian Women have no butt, and the Men are called Buttheads!"

Why did the Vampire put his son up for adoption?

He thought his son sucked!

My Dad: Son, history always repeats itself.

Me: So you're gonna leave me again?