Sons jokes

I got my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful cunt sat in his wheelchair all day.

Have you heard of the new sequel to "The Exorcist"?

A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son.

How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s penis.

I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.

A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."

The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"

My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."

I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."

I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.

He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."

Which is Ronaldo's favorite son, Matteo or Cristiano Junior?

Neither. His favorite is San Marino, perfect for stat-padding with tap-ins and penalties!

For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

Dad: Here you go son, all your toys have gone to the orphanage.

Son: Why, Dad?

Dad: You would be bored there if there was not anything to do.

What's the quickest way to get money besides winning the lottery?

Leaving your son with Michael Jackson.

A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."

The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."

"Thanks Dad," the son says.

The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."

My son, who is into astronomy, asked me how stars die. I said, "Usually from an overdose."

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”

Jonny went to school one day, and later that day his dad got a call saying he needed to pick up his son because he had had sex with a teacher. When Jonny got home, his dad was so happy he went out to the store and bought him a bike. When they bought the bike, Jonny was offered to ride the bike, but he declined it and replied, "My butt still hurts."

A man marries a blonde chick, lives a happy life together, and the man asks his wife if she wants kids. She says "yes".

So, a couple of years go by, and they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards, and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question!"

You'd think my son would be happy that Daddy bought him a new bike. But no... oh no, he just sits in his wheelchair and cries like a little girl.

The whole solar system is one big family, right? But everyone circles the sun.