Someone's jokes
Why are orphans gay? To call someone "daddy."
If someone's debating the speed of light and a drunk Russian, the Russian would take speed to grab a falling wallet.
Orphan lady: Ok kids, someone donated groceries.
Orphans: YAY!
5 minutes later...
Orphans: Wait... where's the...
Orphan lady: *tries to hold daughter*
Person who donated: *holds milk in hand* hehe
Teacher: Can someone tell me the only living thing that can reproduce without sex?
Little Johnny: "Your wife."
"That's not my age; it's just not true.
My heart is young; the time just flew.
I'm staring at this strange old face, and someone else is in my space."
Someone burgled my house the other day. It was terrible.
They ripped all of the front and back pages of my dictionaries. Things went from bad to worse.
It would be a miracle if someone figured out the length of your hairline.
If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
If I had a dollar for every time someone did something stupid,
I would have approximately 7.8 Billion dollars.
When someone pops up in your life making you all happy, you be like, "Who sent you?"
Why are lamps so scared? Because someone might throw them away.
What do you call someone without a body?
Nobody.
The Britains walk in the house of the alcoholic grandad. They ask Mary, the mum, why she had blood all over her, and she said someone dropped the butter. They walked into the living room, and Thomas was dead on the floor.
Ok, so I know most or all of you guys hate me, and that's fine. You guys most likely know me as a horrible person, which I don't know where you would hear that from.
And finally, I am truly a good person; you just need to know me better. The only reason I fought Tina and Jack was because I was trying to be nice to another guy. Then I realized what side I should have been on. I'm pretty sure everyone on this hates me. Just I'm sorry, and just forgive me. Alya, Tina, Jack, and someone else, I think all are nice people; they just stick up for each other, and that's what I realized. So if you still hate me, it's fine; I'll be leaving this app soon, maybe. Hate makes me sad, even though I use it, but I know what was wrong. I want to join the good side, so just give a chance. This was watersharky's Apologies.
Me: 911, I just killed someone.
Cops: Cool, we will not come.
Me: Why?
Cops: Don't admit a crime.
Phones: *Bang Bang*
Me: Well, that was 2 crimes done.
If you're white and you're racist to someone, don't do anything.
Question: How was Covid-19 born?
Answer: Someone fucked Batman! 😂
If Emma Feel had a penny every time someone gave her head, she would have enough to make Mark Zuckerberg and Trump her third-legged bitch.
The reason why Steven H. died was that someone poisoned his chocolate mousse.
What did John say after someone shot his leg?
Oof!