Someone jokes

Say _______ is so flat that when someone hit them, they got a paper cut!

Like, if you hate wearing a mask.

Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!

True story by the way.

I prank called someone and I said, "Is there a Missis Wall there?" They said no. Is there a Mr. Wall there? They said no. Are there any Walls there? They said no. Then what's holding up your building?

There is someone in my class named Henry Rocket Rueben, and he always says he rockets into my mom.

Why was the people's wedding so miserable...

'Cause during the kiss someone farted so loud and stinky, they agreed to never try to have another wedding.

What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?

An ingestigation.

I went to the table to eat my egg, but I couldn't find it anywhere.

I think someone must've poached it.

Someone cutting the cheese then farted.

Someone sees the cheese, and it smelled like crap (literally). He said, "Who cut the cheese?"

What do you call someone who is half a Jew?

Jew-ish.

You text someone to ask them why they snobbed you. Then they snob you again.

Your hairline is like a lollipop because every time someone licks it, it gets shorter.

Note to all moms of teens, keep a dog. That way, someone is excited to see you!

What do you call someone without a body and a nose? Nobody knows.

What's the difference between someone with dystonia and someone with misophonia?

One makes the annoying noises, while the other hates the annoying noises.

How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly?

If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can’t look down.

I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy!

Hey, I’m George, and this is how to figure out if someone is a psychopath.

Go into someone’s search history, and find “Cuphead ship fanfic”.

Hey George, why do you have Russia x America countryhumans?

Anne Frank: This one time at camp, someone had too much gas.

"One man's trash is another man's treasure" is a great thing to say to someone; horrible way to find out you're adopted.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

Someone pulled his ethernet cable (he died of a blue screen)!