Someone jokes

Why was the people's wedding so miserable...

'Cause during the kiss someone farted so loud and stinky, they agreed to never try to have another wedding.

Like, if you hate wearing a mask.

Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!

True story by the way.

Say _______ is so flat that when someone hit them, they got a paper cut!

When someone calls you, say "Welcome to Joe's Pizza Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce."

The other day someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.

What do you get when someone named Victoria falls? A Victoria Falls!

I went to the table to eat my egg, but I couldn't find it anywhere.

I think someone must've poached it.

Why do orphans go to church so they can call someone "father?"

Someone cutting the cheese then farted.

Someone sees the cheese, and it smelled like crap (literally). He said, "Who cut the cheese?"

What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?

An ingestigation.

Solicitors are more likely to harass someone with a “no soliciting” sign on their front porch.

What is sex? You put a sex person in someone’s sex.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

Someone pulled his ethernet cable (he died of a blue screen)!

Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.

Is it bad to hit an orphan?

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

Well... I mean, they could go to church and try to gather that someone hit them.

Every time someone calls you a little different, car? Just say, "No, I'm not."

Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?

Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!

Why can't an orphan be in a Scream movie?

It's always someone you know.

Say this when showing this website to someone: "You know, it's too bad this website doesn't have a homepage."

Note to all moms of teens, keep a dog. That way, someone is excited to see you!