Someone jokes

Why do orphans become hookers?

'Cause they can call someone "daddy."

Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.

Someone burgled my house the other day. It was terrible.

They ripped all of the front and back pages of my dictionaries. Things went from bad to worse.

Why does an orphan go to church?

So they can call someone "father."

I'm as bored as heck, someone wanna chat?

Ok, so I know most or all of you guys hate me, and that's fine. You guys most likely know me as a horrible person, which I don't know where you would hear that from.

And finally, I am truly a good person; you just need to know me better. The only reason I fought Tina and Jack was because I was trying to be nice to another guy. Then I realized what side I should have been on. I'm pretty sure everyone on this hates me. Just I'm sorry, and just forgive me. Alya, Tina, Jack, and someone else, I think all are nice people; they just stick up for each other, and that's what I realized. So if you still hate me, it's fine; I'll be leaving this app soon, maybe. Hate makes me sad, even though I use it, but I know what was wrong. I want to join the good side, so just give a chance. This was watersharky's Apologies.

When someone throws something at your forehead, it stops moving and goes into orbit around your forehead.

Never break a girl's/boy's/someone's heart. They only have one of them.

Break their bones instead. They have 206 of them.

Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.

Why do orphans go to church?

To call someone "dad."

Say _______ is so flat that when someone hit them, they got a paper cut!

Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"

Someone who was working in the tower must've put their phone on plane mode.

What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.

Someone went up to an orphan and asked him why he was talking to the air. He said he was talking to his mom.

I used to have confidence issues because of my learning disability.

Until someone told me I put the sexy in dyslexia.

I live in a world made of cheese. Someone stubbed their toe and screamed, "Cheese-its, Christ!"

Someone eats glue and tells the other, "Sorry, can't stick around!"

Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.

"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."

"Oh, cool."

"This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."

"Makes sense."

"This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."

"Where’s Trump’s clock?"

"Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."

And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.

As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.

Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.