Someone jokes
Note to all moms of teens, keep a dog. That way, someone is excited to see you!
What's the difference between someone with dystonia and someone with misophonia?
One makes the annoying noises, while the other hates the annoying noises.
NORTH INDIANS: Decent, but overrated af. They are the only thing that comes to many ppl's minds when someone says "Indian".
SOUTH INDIANS: Decent, but underrated af. Many ppl don't even know they exist. They are literally asked if they are North Indians.
WEST AND EAST: Decent but underrated af.
When someone asks you why you went bald, say it wasn't a choice. It just happened.
I was going to join the debating team.
... but someone talked me out of it.
Memes
Do you ever look at someone and think, "You must have been conceived at a family reunion"?
Someone booted Stephen Hawking offline. Maybe next time he will stand for the pledge/anthem.
Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek-a-boo accident?
To the I.C.U.
You are playing as Ukraine in Military Tycoon, and then someone kills you. You see who killed you in nuke revenge, and it says "Putinmoserfucer2342."
You used to be someone’s sunshine, but sorry, the climate changed. 😂😂😂😂
My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.
Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.
My middle name is Brian. I was so proud of being able to spell my full name till someone pointed out "Johnny Brain Walker" was incorrect.
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
Someone who COUNTS BARS all day!
Someone I know is an ant. I feel like a mountain to them.
My wife is so fat. I finally got up the energy to walk around to the other side. I found someone else!
What do you call someone who’s afraid of breaststroke? Chicken breast.
What do you call Panera bread when it’s on top of someone?
Panera head.
"Hey, what does IDK mean?"
"I don't know."
"Okay, then I am going to ask someone else."
"I miss you.
Being happy was never that hard without you..."
Someone's dad: You think he/she wants to join me? I didn't get the milk...
Why was the cookie angry? Because someone ate the chips!