Small Jokes

A Story:

I lived in a small house. Behind my house was a big forest. If I went in the forest, then I heard scary sounds. That was very dreadful. I had a son. He was 9 years old. One day he went into the forest and did not come back. I called the police, but it couldn't help. I went looking. I really wanted my son Robby back. I missed him so! With a flashlight and compass, I went into the dark, eerie forest. Then the noises came again, but this time I also heard a scream. A scream from a nine year old child. It was Robby, certainly! I stopped in front of a tunnel.

Sequel follows...

What comes up on small oceans? Microwaves.

For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.

What do an angler fish and a pedophile have in common?

They both like to hide in dark places, look creepy, and like to lure small creatures.

Police Report: Looking for a female, light brown hair, blue eyes, freckles, and a small scar on her right check.

Last seen on CCTV wearing see-through bottoms, a pink top, and a vibrating dildo hanging out of her arse. If you find this woman, please get her to charge the dildo for excessive fun.

Boy: Your dick is so small, oh wait, you don't have one.

Older boy: UNO reverse card!

Kids are only virgins because their dicks are small.

Dude, has anyone made a joke about small foreheads? Oh wait... they would be nonexistent.

You are so fat that Big Chungus looks like a small Chungus.

What do you call a short fortune-teller that escaped from jail?

A small medium at large.

Your mama so fat, Jupiter is smaller than her.

Name an ant which is very heavy?

Eleph-ant.

Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.

What do you get when you cross a rooster with a small dog?

The broccoli says, "I look like a small tree." The mushroom says, "I look like an umbrella." The walnut says, "I look like a brain." And the banana says, "Can we please change the subject?"

Dwarf Shortage.

Today, I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

Suzy: How did Jonah fit in the whale?

Teacher: Whales are very big but have small mouths, so Jonah did not actually fit in the whale.

Suzy: Well, the Bible says he did.

Teacher: He did not.

Suzy: When I get to heaven I will ask him how he fit in.

Teacher: How do you know he went to heaven? Maybe he went to hell.

Suzy: Then you can ask him.

Wife: I think these pants are getting too small for me!

Husband: Don't worry, maybe you are just bad at laundry.

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, “Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?”

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, “It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, it is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.”