Small jokes
Today, I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
Suzy: How did Jonah fit in the whale?
Teacher: Whales are very big but have small mouths, so Jonah did not actually fit in the whale.
Suzy: Well, the Bible says he did.
Teacher: He did not.
Suzy: When I get to heaven I will ask him how he fit in.
Teacher: How do you know he went to heaven? Maybe he went to hell.
Suzy: Then you can ask him.
Wife: I think these pants are getting too small for me!
Husband: Don't worry, maybe you are just bad at laundry.
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, “Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?”
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, “It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, it is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.”
One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,
"What part of the dog did you get?"
You know a piranha can devour a small child in 30 seconds. Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
What do you call a baby potato?
Small fry!
I'm starting a clown shoe store.
It's no small feat! :oD
There is a really, really small guy and his name is Adam, so I say, "Hey, look, it's an atom!"
What is purple, small, and rinsed off in a drainer?
A bunch of grapes! 🍇
How do you get a baby into a small bowl?
A blender.
How do you get it out? Tostito chips.
What's the difference between a humorous bully and a small van driver?
One takes the Mickey, the other takes the Minnie.
How do you fit a hundred babies into a small bucket?
With a blender.
My ex-boyfriend's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I had to give him a thumb and forefinger job.
Kenny's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I gave him a thumb and forefinger job.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What is the difference between a small child and a watermelon?
One I eat on the daily and the other is a watermelon.
What is small, red, and sitting in the corner?
A baby playing with a scalpel.
According to all known laws of aviation,
there is no way a bee should be able to fly.
Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.
The bee, of course, flies anyway
because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.
Barry! Breakfast is ready!
Coming!
Hang on a second.
Hello?
- Barry? - Adam?
- Can you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up.
Looking sharp.
Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those.
Sorry. I'm excited.
Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son.
A perfect report card, all B's.
Very proud.
Ma! I got a thing going here.
- You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me!
- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye!
Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!
Why do orphans get the small sized chip bags?
Because they don’t have a family to share it with. 😥