How do you get a Koala to fall asleep? Sing a koala-by.
You’re so short you could use a pillow as your bed and still have some wiggle room.
When you mom says go to bed but you replied with But mom i need help because it is inside but we are outside
so i was asleep and woke up and went to work my wife left already to her job i was driving my car and ran over someone i woke up in my bed realized it was all a dream 20 minutes later i got a phone call the my wife got hit bye a car
I was using my computer one time and I pressed Ctrl-Alt-Delete and Stephen Hawking went into a deep sleep
I have a cow over my house spending the night with me because she has been out in the streets homeless and poor so my family force it to come and live with me at my place. The cow ask me where do I keep all the dairy items like the milk cheese yogurt and meat? In the refrigerator where do you think i keep on the farm with all the rest of those cows? That night we had to share a room and sleep in the same damn bed then she starting getting high and drinked some cow wine with titty milk and it made her shit all over the bed.
Where do rabbits sleep? In the junkyard outside.
Why would you not let an elephant sleep in the same bed with you? Because they stinks and now the room smells like elephant shit.
Everytime I'm come straight home from work you in the bed sleep and back there dead like a vampire in a casket. Then the next thing I noticed you just came back from the dead in no time dummy.
Man to woman: Would you sleep with me for one million dollars? Woman: Sure. Man: How about for ten dollars? Woman: What do you think I am? Man: We’ve already established what you are. All we’re doing is negotiating price.
Bubba couldn't make rent so he offered to sleep with the landlady instead. I think he forgot he lived in his mom's basement.
he never has a bad day
because he always wake’s up on both sides on the bed
I sleep in a castle once every 2 weeks It's my fort knight
What do you call a warrior that's going to bed?
A knight knight.
Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.
My depression: hey, what's up!
Me: go away.
My depression: well how rude.
Me: 🙄.
My depression: remember that one time......
Me: no, don't even.
My depression: that we.....
Me: nope.
My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.
Me: 😳😶😟.
My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.
1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!
2. What is fast, loud and crunchy?
A rocket chip!
3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.
4. What has ears but cannot hear?
A cornfield.
5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells!
Mom:its time for sleep.Baby:is that what you think huh.Mom:*gives baby pacifier*.Baby:nice try hobo.Mom:well ill come back later to see if hes gone asleep.*few hours later*Baby:*still awake* Mom:why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!.Baby:Lol i told you nice try haha
Information has been leaked from government sources. When the current lock-up ends the holder of the nations purse, Fishi Rucksack will launch a new initiative. This will be to help the struggling 'personal services' industry, and will be labelled, 'Sleep out to Help out.'
When is it bedtime in the jacksons house. When the big hand 🖐 meets the little 🤚
TEACHER : Why do people snore ? ME : Because they sleep .
