Sitting Jokes

POV: Wine Taster in hell.

I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"

The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.

"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."

"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."

Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."

Teacher on school bus, "Everybody sit down now, the bus is about to start."

Ben: "I’m not going to sit down. I don’t want to."

Teacher: "You have to, or else you have to get off the bus."

Teacher: "*stands up*"

Ben: "Then you should get off the bus 'cause you're not sitting."

I was sitting in class when my teacher said, "Have any questions?" the suspended Class clown said, "Who's Joe?" So the teacher said, "Joe who?" So the clown said, "Joe Mama!" So I said, "What in the BALLS?" So I ended up staying in detention with the clown, ah, so cozy!

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.

How to make the kissing in a tree recognizable: me and you k.i.s.s.i.n.g., tree sitting, wedding, love, then comes love, then comes baby in the carriage, then hate comes, divorce and purse.

FEW!!!!!!!

If you are disabled and a comedian, is it called stand-down or sit-up?

What comment did the United States Senator Kamla Harris make when one of her 64% blue dog democrat constituents called her incompetent?

"Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits!"

When fat people sit down at a restaurant, you can hear the chair screaming.

Your hairline is so far back that if you were a backbencher in class and I was a germ sitting on it, I would think that the rest of the backbenchers are seated in front of the class.

Not a joke, but here's a good workout, I guess:

Sit-ups: 50

Push-ups: 40

Squats: 30

Do 5 sets.

What is a disabled person's favorite type of comedy? Sit-down comedy!

What do you call a physically disabled man who is sitting on the toilet inside the handicapped stall inside the men's restroom?

Sex worker.

What happens if you sit under a cow?

You get a pat on the head.

When you're sitting by the mushrooms and you hear one say to the other "Hey, you're a fun guy."

What sits on the seabed and has anxiety? A nervous wreck.

This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"

God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."

My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.

When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

Your mama so fat that when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.

Your mum is so fat, when she was sitting on a scale, the number couldn't even fit on the scale and came shooting out!

There was a kid sitting in a corner.

Me: "Hey! Why are you here at an orphanage?"

Orphan: "..."

Me: "Oh, wait, you're an orphan."