Sitting jokes

When fat people sit down at a restaurant, you can hear the chair screaming.

What's the difference between Canada and the USA?

In the USA, Trump is sitting in the Oval Office.

In Canada, he'd be sitting in the waiting room of a MAiD clinic.

Your hairline is so far back that if you were a backbencher in class and I was a germ sitting on it, I would think that the rest of the backbenchers are seated in front of the class.

Your hairline so bad that when your teacher puts you to sit in the front of the class, your hairline be all the way in the back.

Stan says shut the f**k up or sit your ass down on that b***h chair!

A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.

He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.

He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later there's a knock at the door.

He opens it and sees the same snail.

The snail says, "What was that all about?"

There was a kid sitting in a corner.

Me: "Hey! Why are you here at an orphanage?"

Orphan: "..."

Me: "Oh, wait, you're an orphan."

My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.

When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

Your mum is so fat, when she was sitting on a scale, the number couldn't even fit on the scale and came shooting out!

Your mama so fat that when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.

Mommy sits on my potty and sings a song about poop.

I hate sitting in traffic, I always get run over.

You’re so short, you can swing your legs when you sit on a stool.

One day I was at church. I had to sit down. I said, "Who in the world stinks?" I looked down. Turns out it was me, and this is not a joke, but funny.

My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.

Why don't people sit next to the cheetah during a test?

Because he's a cheetah!

Yo mama so fat that when she sits down, global warming starts.

Did you sit in sugar?

Because you've got a sweet ass.

Your hairline's so far back, even Rosa Parks refused to sit in the back; it went all the way there itself.

This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"

God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."