Sitting jokes
If you are disabled and a comedian, is it called stand-down or sit-up?
I was sitting in class when my teacher said, "Have any questions?" the suspended Class clown said, "Who's Joe?" So the teacher said, "Joe who?" So the clown said, "Joe Mama!" So I said, "What in the BALLS?" So I ended up staying in detention with the clown, ah, so cozy!
Teacher on school bus, "Everybody sit down now, the bus is about to start."
Ben: "I’m not going to sit down. I don’t want to."
Teacher: "You have to, or else you have to get off the bus."
Teacher: "*stands up*"
Ben: "Then you should get off the bus 'cause you're not sitting."
A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.
The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.
How to make the kissing in a tree recognizable: me and you k.i.s.s.i.n.g., tree sitting, wedding, love, then comes love, then comes baby in the carriage, then hate comes, divorce and purse.
FEW!!!!!!!
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, you can hear the chair screaming.
Your hairline's so far back, even Rosa Parks refused to sit in the back; it went all the way there itself.
Lenin was on his deathbed, with Stalin sitting by his side.
Lenin says: "What are you going to do after I die? They might not follow you."
Stalin responds: "Then they'll follow you."
One day I was at church. I had to sit down. I said, "Who in the world stinks?" I looked down. Turns out it was me, and this is not a joke, but funny.
Why don't people sit next to the cheetah during a test?
Because he's a cheetah!
Did you sit in sugar?
Because you've got a sweet ass.
Yo mama so fat that when she sits down, global warming starts.
My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.
Your hairline so bad that when your teacher puts you to sit in the front of the class, your hairline be all the way in the back.
My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.
When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
Stan says shut the f**k up or sit your ass down on that b***h chair!
Yo mama so fat that when she sits, she makes a 7.4 earthquake.
This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"
God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."
Your mama so fat that when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.
Your mum is so fat, when she was sitting on a scale, the number couldn't even fit on the scale and came shooting out!