Sitting jokes

Your hairline is so far back that if you were a backbencher in class and I was a germ sitting on it, I would think that the rest of the backbenchers are seated in front of the class.

What happens if you sit under a cow?

You get a pat on the head.

When you're sitting by the mushrooms and you hear one say to the other "Hey, you're a fun guy."

An electrician walks into a green house. He sees a red room. He wonders why it's red because Kurt Cobain and his shotgun were sitting there.

You’re so short, you can swing your legs when you sit on a stool.

A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.

He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.

He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later there's a knock at the door.

He opens it and sees the same snail.

The snail says, "What was that all about?"

Stan says shut the f**k up or sit your ass down on that b***h chair!

Your hairline so bad that when your teacher puts you to sit in the front of the class, your hairline be all the way in the back.

There was a kid sitting in a corner.

Me: "Hey! Why are you here at an orphanage?"

Orphan: "..."

Me: "Oh, wait, you're an orphan."

Mommy sits on my potty and sings a song about poop.

I hate sitting in traffic, I always get run over.

Yo mama so fat that when she sits down, global warming starts.

My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.

Why don't people sit next to the cheetah during a test?

Because he's a cheetah!

One day I was at church. I had to sit down. I said, "Who in the world stinks?" I looked down. Turns out it was me, and this is not a joke, but funny.

Lenin was on his deathbed, with Stalin sitting by his side.

Lenin says: "What are you going to do after I die? They might not follow you."

Stalin responds: "Then they'll follow you."

Your hairline's so far back, even Rosa Parks refused to sit in the back; it went all the way there itself.

This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"

God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."

Yo mama so fat that when she sits, she makes a 7.4 earthquake.

Your mama so fat that when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.