Side jokes

A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.

When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.

"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.

My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"

He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.

Why did the chicken cross the towers?

Because he ordered a plane pizza and didn’t get to the other side.

Why didn't Stephen Hawking cross the road?

Because he rolled over to the other side!

Why did the orphan run into the street? To get to the other side of life.

I woke up on the floor this morning. I think I woke up on the wrong side though.

The parents who left their kids on the side of the road should have thought twice and got an abortion.

Hey everyone, I'm back because I'm sinking back towards depression because my sister is really being a bitch, and my parents always side with her, and the stress over online school is just getting overwhelming, and I'm seriously considering hanging myself to end it all because the pain is just... terrible, and I feel like I'm not worth life.

Your mama so fat she’s on both sides of the family.

Being an orphan isn’t all bad.

On the bright side, all your snacks are family sized.

Kids, next time you have school dinners, make sure you have something you actually like so you don't have to shove all your food over to one side of the plate to make it look like you've eaten more than you actually have.

Why can't orphans eat Doritos? Because it's family size.

Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.

Well on the positive side: the Mexicans will probably want to pay for, and build, that wall at this point! Maybe the Canadians as well; two free walls!

You’re so fat,

that your family moved to the other side of the U.S.A., but they still see you.

Your lips are so big, it turns the Grand Canyon sideways.

Your mom is so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.

You know why I have so low IQ? It's because the left side of my brain gets nothing right, and the right side of my brain has nothing left.

Why did the pedo cross the road?

To get to the pre-school on the other side.

On which side does the chicken have the most feathers?

On the outer side. 😂😂