Shower jokes

Why don't pirates take a shower before walking the plank?

They just wash up on shore.

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"

"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"

I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."

Little Jimmy was in the shower singing "Dame Tu Cosita," and her mom heard it and went to the shower, and Jimmy's mom saw Jimmy wearing a bathing suit in the shower, and Jimmy yells "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP!"

What kind of rape victim has a shower ten times a day?

The type that gets raped a lot.

So, today is my birthday. Today, I am 13, but yesterday I am going to turn 10. But I am not even going to school to know the number ten, because one time at 10 p.m. in the morning it was so cold in my hot room, so I went outside to drive my car. But I stopped because the light turned green. I was taking a bath in the front of my car, and it didn’t have a bin, so I am taking a sh$t.

I think your hairline might have the hiccups.

Answer to it: You might have to give it a wash in the shower.

What do Hitler's gas "shower" and guns have in common? They both kill someone.

You look like the type of guy to wash his/her hands after a shower! (And don't write in the comments that there are more than 2 genders.)

What do you say to a black midget?

Wanna a shower? You look like you got splashed by a muddy puddle.

The water in the shower evaporates before it reaches you.

Why don't pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?

They just wash up on shore.

My wife asked me to please quit singing "Wonderwall" in the shower.

I said, "Maybe."

Why did the rapper take a shower before the concert?

To WASH AWAY the haters!

So, when I'm about to take a shower, my mom says, "Take a shower." When I'm about to take out the trash, my mom says, "Take out the trash."

Why is Jonnyy baiiiiii sad? Because he no shower pero.

Guy and Girl are in the shower talking to each other.

Guy: Let's drop the soap.

Girl: Let's do it!

My girlfriend is so stupid, she asked me if I wanted to shower with her to save money on our water bill, while we were staying at a hotel where we didn't even have to pay the water bill.

Putin: You came from the West and showered me with gifts.

Trump: And your prostitutes, they showered me with piss.

How did the person feel when his partner wouldn't perform a golden shower on him? Pissed off.

There is this little boy, and he gets in the shower with his mom and looks up and says, "Mommy, what are those?"

She replies with, "These are my headlights."

He looks down and says, "Mommy, what's that?" She says, "That's my garage."

So he gets out of the shower and gets in with his dad and looks down and says, "What is that?" The dad says, "This is my snake."

Later that night, he wakes up in the middle of the night and screams, "Mommy, Mommy, turn off your headlights and close your garage. Daddy's snake is trying to get in!"