Shower jokes

Amber Heard morning schedule:

- Wake up - Eat breakfast - Take a shit - Get out of bed - Shower

Why don't pirates take a shower before walking the plank?

They just wash up on shore.

Little Jimmy was in the shower singing "Dame Tu Cosita," and her mom heard it and went to the shower, and Jimmy's mom saw Jimmy wearing a bathing suit in the shower, and Jimmy yells "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP!"

So, today is my birthday. Today, I am 13, but yesterday I am going to turn 10. But I am not even going to school to know the number ten, because one time at 10 p.m. in the morning it was so cold in my hot room, so I went outside to drive my car. But I stopped because the light turned green. I was taking a bath in the front of my car, and it didn’t have a bin, so I am taking a sh$t.

What kind of rape victim has a shower ten times a day?

The type that gets raped a lot.

Why did the rapper take a shower before the concert?

To WASH AWAY the haters!

What do you say to a black midget?

Wanna a shower? You look like you got splashed by a muddy puddle.

My wife asked me to please quit singing "Wonderwall" in the shower.

I said, "Maybe."

I think your hairline might have the hiccups.

Answer to it: You might have to give it a wash in the shower.

You look like the type of guy to wash his/her hands after a shower! (And don't write in the comments that there are more than 2 genders.)

What do Hitler's gas "shower" and guns have in common? They both kill someone.

The water in the shower evaporates before it reaches you.

Why don't pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?

They just wash up on shore.

How did the person feel when his partner wouldn't perform a golden shower on him? Pissed off.

Putin: You came from the West and showered me with gifts.

Trump: And your prostitutes, they showered me with piss.

Guy and Girl are in the shower talking to each other.

Guy: Let's drop the soap.

Girl: Let's do it!

Why is Jonnyy baiiiiii sad? Because he no shower pero.

My girlfriend is so stupid, she asked me if I wanted to shower with her to save money on our water bill, while we were staying at a hotel where we didn't even have to pay the water bill.

So, when I'm about to take a shower, my mom says, "Take a shower." When I'm about to take out the trash, my mom says, "Take out the trash."

There is this little boy, and he gets in the shower with his mom and looks up and says, "Mommy, what are those?"

She replies with, "These are my headlights."

He looks down and says, "Mommy, what's that?" She says, "That's my garage."

So he gets out of the shower and gets in with his dad and looks down and says, "What is that?" The dad says, "This is my snake."

Later that night, he wakes up in the middle of the night and screams, "Mommy, Mommy, turn off your headlights and close your garage. Daddy's snake is trying to get in!"