A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.

The cop asks the woman, “Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?”

She replies, “Well, there’s a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their p.... through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers.”

The cop asks, “So what did you do about it?”

The old lady says, “I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his p.... through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!”

“That seems fair enough,” the cop says, “so what’s in the other sack?”

The old lady replies with, “Not everyone pays…”

I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. – What a waste of thyme.

A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him " Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it. The genie says “This is your last wish so really make this one count.” The guys says “Well I’ve always wanted to drive out to hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands.” The Genie says “That is asking for quite a lot and I’m not sure if I can pull that off, Is there anything else you’d want?” The guy says "Well I’ve been married and divorced three times, and I just can’t understand what I’ve been doing wrong. I’ve given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women. The genie thinks for a few moments and says “Do you want a three or four lane highway?”

How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?

Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.

I like my women like how like my cocaine, smuggled and cut clean

You know when women clean their nails with chemicals no one cares but when hitler tries to clean poland with chemicals everyone goes crazy

How do you know you’ve been robbed by an Asian?

The house is clean, the homework is done, but the idiot is having trouble backing out of the driveway.

Why is there no open hunting season on hippies ???

Have you ever tried to clean one ?

Dad: I get to touch animals every day at the zoo. KId: Why? Dad: I clean up animal s hit at a zoo.

Your friend took a shower and used Pantene but i got a watermelon to keep me clean

What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower? You got off clean

This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar. An hour or so goes, then the new flame says, I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice,food is great, but what’s up with the monkey way down there? His friend ok, Watch this. He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool,pulls down his zipper and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin,cleaned himpulled up his zipper then jumped to his chair. Walked back to his new gay friend and said what do you think of that? MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that! His squeeze said wanna give it a try? I sure do, JUST DON’T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey. how’s that?

wanna clean old man takes a bath with bubbles wanna hear the dirty bubbles is the 14 year old next door

How do you clean ash of a stove with chemicals

A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.

If your cleaning a vacuum cleaner does that make you the vacuum cleaner?

There was a cleaning lady with a vacuum cleaner. She sucked!

What’s the difference between your mom and your dad one leaves your life to go get milk and the other cleans up after you, feeds you, and does your laundry

mikey dont clean his foreskin dude straight gay

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