Clean jokes
I have had an obsession with soap. Don’t worry, I am all clean now!
A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.
The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?"
She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers."
The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?"
The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!"
"That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?"
The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."
Three men walk into heaven at the same time. They all live in the same city. God asks the first man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I have a heart condition, and I've been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. Anyway, I get home from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hanging off the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guy's fingers! He falls into a bush, so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I was cleaning the windows, and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! Luckily, I fall safely in a bush! But then a refrigerator falls on me!" God asks the third man, and he says, "I was the one in the fridge!"
Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!
Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.
Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!
Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.
Karien: That is so boring!
Daiana: Well just work with me please?
Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!
I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!
What is black when it’s clean and white when it’s dirty?
Answer: A chalkboard.
Dark jokes are like clean water, not everyone gets it.
Why is there no woman on the moon?
Because it doesn't need to be cleaned.
If you drop soap on the floor, is the floor clean, or is the soap dirty?
Women should be allowed to leave the kitchen... to clean the rest of the house.
I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme.
If you're cleaning a vacuum cleaner, does that make you the vacuum cleaner?
Why can’t orphans watch clean nice content? Because they are family friendly.
Who do you call to clean up foul language?
A cuss-todian!
You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.
Your forehead is so big, Mr. Clean thought he would hire you!
There are 4 billion women on earth. Why isn't it clean yet?
How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?
Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.
What do you call an emo kid playing with fire?
Forgot to clean little piece of dust.
If you get out of the shower clean, how does your towel get dirty?