Short jokes
What's the rarest gun you can find in Africa? A water gun.
What does an Asian say when his car tires burst on the highway?
"Some Ting Wheely Wong!"
My doctor asked my brother if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness.
He replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it!"
Americans leave without saying goodbye, and Russians say goodbye without leaving.
For centuries the Catholic Church censored everything that wouldn‘t fit with their teachings. You know what I call that?
"Chancel culture!"
Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
What do you call a German that can not see?
A Not-see.
Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in another box.
What did Cinderella say to Prince Charming?
"Want to see if it fits?"
Why did the telemarketer cross the road?
I don't know.
I don't know either, but I hope there was a car coming.
Calling you an idiot would be an insult to stupid people. You're much worse than that.
Why did the cellphone get glasses? Because it lost its contacts!
Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga.
And 100% of men don’t care.
Are you a keyboard, because I wanna tap you all night long.
Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?
Because every little bit helps!
What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?
"Will there be seconds?"
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.
I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.
Being the first to move in chess.
It’s a white privilege.