Short jokes
Why was Helen Keller slurring her fingers?
She was drunk.
Whenever I order coffee, I always get the depresso with extra depresso sauce.
How do you disrespect an Asian?
Give them driving lessons.
What was the last thing to go through the minds of 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
What kind of bride does the pedo icon like? A "maik order" bride. Why? The male part.
What's the difference between a hipster and a hockey player? A hockey player changes his pads every third period.
I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back until I realized it is a family business.
I diddled for a total of 67 times. I am the ultra Gooner. My cum is everywhere. I am the goon master.
3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!
Why do women love Chinese food? Because WON TON spelled backward is NOT NOW!
What do you call two natives in a ditch?
A sleepover.
Q. How does an emo scratch an itch? A. With a razor blade.
What do Call of Duty and Al-Qaeda goals have in common?
You’ve got to get more than one down.
What do you call an Iraqi who owns a camel and a goat?
Bisexual.
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
Why did Bruce Jenner cross the road?
To see how the other side felt!
How can you tell if someone Amish is an alcoholic? They keep falling off the wagon.
What did one orphan say to the other one?
"Get in the Batmobile, Robin."
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.
Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.
What does every pirate hate?
A small chest with no booty.