Short jokes
Dmitri! Where's my vodka?
Tell world's best yo mama joke to an orphan, then watch them cry.
So the man asks me, "Jesus, how do you want your steak?"
So I said, "Well done, my good faithful servant, well done."
Why can't orphans sleep? Nobody can tuck them in.
What did the bomber say to the jet?
"Sorry bro, I gotta bomb."
*WAIT NO-*
Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?
My worst fear is being trapped in a lift with a man who is confident he can fix it.
How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?
Open a pizza shop 🍕
My Dad said he got me from the shops, and I remembered what Grandpa said about him.
What did the cat say when he took his new car for a test drive?
"Meoooow!"
9/11, also known as the day football stopped.
Why are emos like paper?
They cut easily.
What do you call a Terrorist in a wheel chair?
RCXD in bound
Do you like CDs?
There's this really cool one called "C Deez Nuts."
You are so fat that the waiter said to you every time: "Sorry for your weight" instead of "Sorry for the wait."
Your entire family tree must be a cactus, because everyone in your family is such a prick.
Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with?
"Another one bites the dust."
TIL Ariana Grande is actually a pop singer.
I thought it was a fancy coffee for white supremacists.
Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
To make up her mind.