Short jokes
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
There used to be two until they divided into multiple pieces.
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.
Be careful, everybody, I have a red dot on my forehead, so I can record everybody!
What's the difference between Jedi and a rapist?
Nothing, they both use the Force to get what they want.
Are you the voices I've been hearing?
Because I can't seem to get you out of my head. (Schizophrenic RIZZ)
I only listen to waltz 3/4 of the time.
What do you call a crazy computer?
Wired.
My short friend called me a scrub, even though he was the one below me.
What's green and sings?
Elvis Parsley!
Why are birds good at social media?
Because they "tweet" all the time!?
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Cakatoo."
"Cakatoo who?"
"So, you're a Rooster now?"
Wanna know how I got away from Iraq? Iran.
Why did Sally cross the road?
She didn’t wear her seatbelt.
At first I was skeptical, but the universe has really grown on me.
I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."
People shouldn’t be afraid during a zombie apocalypse.
They can stay in their living room.
I can't believe I got fired at the calendar factory. I mean... all I did was take a day off!
I was going to tell you a joke about a big cat, but I would be lion.
MOM: Honey, I'm pregnant.
DAD: Hi, Pregnant, I'm Dad.
MOM: No, you're not.
What did the angry cow say to its enemy?
"We have beef!"