Short jokes
What is Vladimir Putin's favorite song?
Answer: Crimea River!
What did God say when he made the first woman?
"Where is your dick at?"
What Kind of Hardware store can't orphans go into?
Home Depot.
Why did tube date electricity? Because he would light up when she touched him.
My great grandfather died in 9/11.
He was such a good pilot.
Have you heard about the canoe sale down the road? It was an ordeal.
I lost my job at a research facility. The people were too chill for me.
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.
Yoav
How can you tell if Google is a girl?
It makes suggestions before you finish your sentence!
Who thinks that dogs bark to munch?
Why didn't the orphan play video games with his friends?
Because his parents wouldn't let him.
The water in the shower evaporates before it reaches you.
What do you call a rapper who works at the BANK?
Lil Teller.
I hate when people leave their cars running, especially in the summer.
I'm like, "You got Tracy Latimer in there or something?"
Michael Jackson's nose is so steep, it can be a ski ramp.
What do you call a lesbian on a bike?
A dyke...
What did the officer tell the lioness after she said she was a dog?
Oooooooooh girl, you lion!
If LEO were a spice, she’d be flour... BLAND and FORGETTABLE!