Short jokes
My friend: "Ya mama so stupid, she sits on the TV and watches the couch!"
Me: "That joke's older than your mom!"
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
Animal jokes, eh?
Toucan play at that game.
Why did the blonde chick buy two Plan B pills?
She wanted to be for sure for sure!
I asked my friend what their serial number was... He said "Cheerios."
What colors were Kurt Cobain's eyes? Blue! One blew right and the other blew up!
Bosses are like seagulls.
They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
Why can’t dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
Why was the man running around his bed?
Because he needed to catch up on his sleep!
What did Ron put in his diary?
I "Her-mio-ne" after I banged her last night.
Just a joke: When Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said, "It'll get better, just walk it off!"
People having seizures are just people dreaming about rollercoasters.
Me: So you two girls are from England?
Girls: Wales.
Me: Oh, I see, so you two whales are from England.
Why do lions 🦁 go to SUBWAY 🥪?
Because they like to EAT FLESH.
Where did Johnny go after he wandered into a minefield?
Everywhere.
If you're going shopping at school, what color would I like to smell: True or False?
Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide?
Well, I wouldn't want to be named "asdjasdjasdak" either.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ligma.
Ligma who?
Ligma balls!
What do a blonde and a doorknob have in common?
Everyone gets a turn ;)
What's the difference between a screw and a hooker? You can't unscrew the hooker.