Short jokes
A baby seal walked into a club.
Your nan's bald.
Why does the heart listen to music a lot?
Because it loves feeling the beat.
What do you call a bacon from Chernobyl?
Technoblade!
I made a house for orphans and...
they had no clue how to use it.
Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a Viagra.
Jill was drunk, fell to her knee, Jack had his chance, did Jill till 3.
What do you call a gay scientist? Stephen Hawqueen.
My sister's name was Philma. We were unfortunate enough to have the last name Coochie. Let's just say no more virgins were at that school.
Why did Sarah fall off a skyscraper?
Because she made her dad mad.
What did the cancer cell say to its neighbor?
"Mind if I join you?"
I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.
What's black and never works?
Decaffeinated coffee, you racist bastard!
What do you get when you cross Donald Trump with Fregley?
Orange juice.
22 ants were playing football in a saucer.
One ant said to another one, “We'll have to play better tomorrow. We're playing in the cup!”
What does a 90 year old's pussy taste like?
Depends...
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What do you call it when a girl on her period goes swimming?
A blood bath.
What did the panther say at the poker party?
I'd be lion if I said I was a cheetah.
I donated to the LGBTQ community. Hopefully now they can find a cure.
Where did the cow go on his first date? To the moovies.