Short jokes
Roses are red, just like your lips.
Mountains are big, just like your tits.
Why do lions 🦁 go to SUBWAY 🥪?
Because they like to EAT FLESH.
Where did Johnny go after he wandered into a minefield?
Everywhere.
My friend: "Ya mama so stupid, she sits on the TV and watches the couch!"
Me: "That joke's older than your mom!"
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
Why can’t dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
What colors were Kurt Cobain's eyes? Blue! One blew right and the other blew up!
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
Animal jokes, eh?
Toucan play at that game.
Why did the blonde chick buy two Plan B pills?
She wanted to be for sure for sure!
I asked my friend what their serial number was... He said "Cheerios."
Q: How did the explorers get to school?
A: They rode the Colum-bus!
People having seizures are just people dreaming about rollercoasters.
What do you call a violent fish?
A smackeral!
Bosses are like seagulls.
They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
Me: John, what did he do earlier?
John: Hold on, I’m trying to think.
Me: I thought I smelled poop.
Me: So you two girls are from England?
Girls: Wales.
Me: Oh, I see, so you two whales are from England.
Why do orphans go to church so much?
So they can have someone to call father.
A baby seal walked into a club.
I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.