Short jokes
What is it about a beard and glasses that children find so sexy?
Why do people watch hentai?
Because they are as fake as pornstars are.
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
I remember Grandpa's last words, "Oh, shit! It's in drive!"
Q: What did the skeleton say when he proposed to his girlfriend?
A: Will you marrow me?
What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?
The steering wheel.
What did Hitler get for his 6th birthday?
A Kewpie burger and an Easy-Bake Oven.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, You a dumb a** b*tch, We all know it's true.
Man: Can you be my girlfriend?
Woman: I'm lesbian, sorry.
Man: Oh, here's your rope.
Like if you meet someone emo.
Like if you wanna have sex.
What do you call a man with a curly toe?
Carlito.
What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?
Reload... chhchhhh.
How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do his essay.
You're so fat, no one was laughing, but the floor was cracking!
What type of cake can orphans not have?
Homemade.
If 80% of all suicides in the UK are males, and women want equality, then maybe they should just kill themselves.
How are a bald eagle and a bald man similar?
Because they both have eyes.
What did the man say to the woman? "Make me a sandwich."
Do you have a shovel in your back pocket?
Why?
'Cause I’m digging that ass.