Short jokes
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"
I was happy to find I could get a passing grade in all my subjects if I had sex with my teacher, until I remembered I'm home schooled.
What are the similarities between a pedophile and a 9/11 plane?
They both came from behind and crushed them.
Why was my mate in "Mission: Impossible?" Because he couldn't find his dad.
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?
Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
Who killed Hitler goes to Heaven.
*looks up*
Oh, never mind.
Wanna hear a joke? My life! Hahahah! Just kidding, jokes actually mean something...
What do you call an army of autistic people with guns?
Special forces.
My therapist said time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.
What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"
What did the orphan's friend give him for his birthday?
Lego, so he can build a home.
Did you hear about the dyslexic cop? He jumped off his horse and blew his whistle!
Why do orphans go to church so much?
So they can have someone to call father.
Me: John, what did he do earlier?
John: Hold on, I’m trying to think.
Me: I thought I smelled poop.
A boy is sitting in a dentist chair getting braces, and a dentist comes in and says, "Brace yourself!"
I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.
Q: How did the explorers get to school?
A: They rode the Colum-bus!
What do you call a violent fish?
A smackeral!
If you throw a nun, is it called a... Nunchuck???
What do you call two redheads on Mars?
Locals.