Short jokes
Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.
I remember my uncle's last words:
"I don't think we're going shooting today."
Why did the grandmother put wheels on her rocking chair?
... she likes to rock and roll lol.
Why did people take Stephen Hawking's to the hospital when we should have took him to Curry's PC World?
A 28-year-old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online.
For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.
I'm not a chef, but boy, are these days getting harder and harder to get through.
When Ant-Man is the size of an atom, how can he breathe?
What happens if the dumbest person from Europe goes to the US?
The average IQ increases in both places.
What is a tornado's favorite game?
Twister!
People shouldn’t be afraid during a zombie apocalypse.
They can stay in their living room.
At first I was skeptical, but the universe has really grown on me.
Why did the electron leave the atom?
Because it had its ion someone else.
What did the emo say before he crossed the road?
"Fuck my life."
What do you get when you cross a shark and a snowman?
Frostbite!
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
Because he lost his filling.
Teacher: Take a seat, class.
Wheelchair person: I've been in the seat.
I was going to tell you a joke about a big cat, but I would be lion.
MOM: Honey, I'm pregnant.
DAD: Hi, Pregnant, I'm Dad.
MOM: No, you're not.
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together!