Short jokes
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
A: Throw in some laundry.
Why was my mate in "Mission: Impossible?" Because he couldn't find his dad.
I was happy to find I could get a passing grade in all my subjects if I had sex with my teacher, until I remembered I'm home schooled.
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?
Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
Who killed Hitler goes to Heaven.
*looks up*
Oh, never mind.
Teacher: Alright kids. 50, 49, 48, 47. What comes before 47?
Kid: AK!
Everyone else: 🚪 🏃🏾♀️🏃🏽🏃🏿🏃🏾♀️🏃🏽🏃🏿🏃🏿🏃🏿♀️ 🎒 🏃🏻
What do you call an army of autistic people with guns?
Special forces.
What did the orphan's friend give him for his birthday?
Lego, so he can build a home.
What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"
More about Quinn: He loves Robin. He loves his tight ass. He licks up all his shit after Taco Bell.
If you're going shopping at school, what color would I like to smell: True or False?
If you throw a nun, is it called a... Nunchuck???
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"
What is a Mexican's only obstacle?
Border patrol.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ligma.
Ligma who?
Ligma balls!
What do you call two redheads on Mars?
Locals.
What's the difference between a screw and a hooker? You can't unscrew the hooker.
Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide?
Well, I wouldn't want to be named "asdjasdjasdak" either.
My friend: "Ya mama so stupid, she sits on the TV and watches the couch!"
Me: "That joke's older than your mom!"
Why do orphans go to church so much?
So they can have someone to call father.