Short jokes
I was happy to find I could get a passing grade in all my subjects if I had sex with my teacher, until I remembered I'm home schooled.
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?
Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
Who killed Hitler goes to Heaven.
*looks up*
Oh, never mind.
Teacher: Alright kids. 50, 49, 48, 47. What comes before 47?
Kid: AK!
Everyone else: 🚪 🏃🏾♀️🏃🏽🏃🏿🏃🏾♀️🏃🏽🏃🏿🏃🏿🏃🏿♀️ 🎒 🏃🏻
What do you call an army of autistic people with guns?
Special forces.
What did the orphan's friend give him for his birthday?
Lego, so he can build a home.
What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"
More about Quinn: He loves Robin. He loves his tight ass. He licks up all his shit after Taco Bell.
If you're going shopping at school, what color would I like to smell: True or False?
If you throw a nun, is it called a... Nunchuck???
Grandpa's last words: "Why do you have a chainsaw?"
What is a Mexican's only obstacle?
Border patrol.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ligma.
Ligma who?
Ligma balls!
What do you call two redheads on Mars?
Locals.
What's the difference between a screw and a hooker? You can't unscrew the hooker.
Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide?
Well, I wouldn't want to be named "asdjasdjasdak" either.
My friend: "Ya mama so stupid, she sits on the TV and watches the couch!"
Me: "That joke's older than your mom!"
Why do orphans go to church so much?
So they can have someone to call father.
People having seizures are just people dreaming about rollercoasters.
Me: So you two girls are from England?
Girls: Wales.
Me: Oh, I see, so you two whales are from England.