Short jokes
How do you know someone has Down syndrome?
They're doing better than you.
Been watching Smackdown DVDs, and I'm so erect right now. I'm so bricked up.
Did you know that graveyards are the most popular place in the world?
Yeah, people are just DYING to get in there...
I had a cake for my gender reveal party. I cut it, and the inside was yellow...
In British chess I guess they play without a queen...
But in American chess they play without 2 towers.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Cakatoo."
"Cakatoo who?"
"So, you're a Rooster now?"
God, I miss Stephen Hawking.
He was brainier than Kurt Cobain's ceiling.
Why did Sally cross the road?
She didn’t wear her seatbelt.
What do you call a crazy computer?
Wired.
What's green and sings?
Elvis Parsley!
Why are birds good at social media?
Because they "tweet" all the time!?
What is the capital of Greece? -- About 10 dollars.
I only listen to waltz 3/4 of the time.
I just got a job at the prison library.
It has its prose and cons.
Wanna know how I got away from Iraq? Iran.
Before I die, I'm going to ask to be cremated.
Then I'm going to eat a bunch of popcorn kernels.
Then I'll die and get cremated. BOOM! I'm popcorn!
Abortion is a difficult topic for me.
On one hand I support it because it kills children.
On the other hand, it gives women a choice.
What do you call lesbian twins?
Lick-A-Likes.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an emo bitch?
The Twin Towers hit the ground.
My friend Liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.