Short jokes
What's overcrowded and uncomfortable?
My mind.
How do you help a starving cannibal?
You give him a hand!
What’s the definition of “perfect pitch?”
Throwing a viola into the dumpster without hitting the rim.
Why don’t violists play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them.
How are Fortnite cards and orphans similar? They're given away.
I watch my parents sleep with a knife in my hands. Only got caught once.
What you call suicide, I call a failed speedrun attempt.
Why does a straight guy act gay? Because he wants to feel wanted and wants to be BFFs with the hottest girls.
Why do orphans hate geometry? Cuz it reminds them that their parents are poley-gone.
A kid went and got a haircut. The day after, he went to school, and a friend says, "I like your cut." He replies, "Which one?"
My ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's going to be hanging tonight.
Why did the orphan fall out of a tree?
They thought their parents would catch them.
America: "WE NEED MORE AMMO!"
Japan: "We are the ammo."
Why do emo kids love dressing up on Halloween so much?
It's their last holiday for them, but at least they're still hanging on...
When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to just cheer up, god damn, why didn't I think of that?
My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.
What's the difference between a pig and a police officer?
The pig smells better.
Did you know the past tense of William Shakespeare is Wouldiwas Shookspeared?
Why are half the orphans missing? Because I took them, of course! :]
What do you call an orphan in a room full of mirrors? Surrounded by loved ones.