Short jokes
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
What do gay men and drug dealers have in common?
They both get a lot of crack.
His name is Donald, but he looks like Goofy.
My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.
Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.
What's the difference between a black Jew and a white Jew?
The black Jew sits in the back of the oven.
Why should you keep English gay activists away from neo-nazis?
British cigarettes get smoked easily.
Yo mama so fat, when she went to a dating service, they ended up matching her up with Pittsburgh.
Why are people from New York so bad at chess?
Because they quickly lose two towers (rooks).
What record did Obama prove during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.
What’s the Difference Between a Cat and a Comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
What is the difference between a cow and 9/11?
You can’t milk a cow for 15 years.
Motivational Quote for today: If you're feeling tired and ugly today, cheer up, you probably won't feel tired tomorrow morning...
What does gum in my d*ck have in common?
Both get chewed on by little kids.
I used to believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.
Friend: Hey, wanna race home?
Orphan: What home?
How do you get a depressed kid out of a tree? You cut the rope.
What were Paul Walker's last words?
I dk probably "WATCH THE FUCKING TREE!"
Why is September 11th the best birthday?
Everyone remembers it! :)
Why are Americans so good at Rubik's Cubes?
They are skilled at separating colors.
What comedy skill can’t any cripple master?
Stand up.