Short jokes
Employer: Can you perform under pressure?
Me: No, but I do a pretty good "Bohemian Rhapsody."
Where does the resistor go after a long day?
It goes Ohm.
Xd.
What kind of cheese protects castles?
MOAT-zerrela.
Zozo the hobo is single like a Pringle.
Single like a Pringle, and he loves Pringle's, get it?
What is the giant's synonyms?
Fi, fo, fum.
Sally's mother had four children. The fourth April, the second May, the third June. Who was the first child?
Sally.
I have OCD and ADD, so everything has to be perfect... but not for very long.
What do you call an obnoxiously loud fog horn? A beginner saxophonist.
If a wizard gets robbed by a muggle, has he been muggled?
I can't fake the smile for long, as there is weight hanging at both of its ends called depression.
Welcome to the Fast Food Divorce Center where yesterday's lies are today's fries.
Your forehead is so big, you can fit Santa’s sack on it.
You look like the 0.01 percent of germs the Lysol didn't kill.
Why did the Dad cross the road?
To get the milk.
Why do orphans not care about sleep? Because they have no one to wake up to.
Why are astronauts forgetful?
They're always spacing out.
My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.
So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.
Joe mama so fat, she fell on both sides of the bed.
Mommy, when will daddy come back?
I'm not your mom...