Short jokes
What’s strong enough for a man, but made for a woman?
The back of my hand.
I gave a blind kid a hand grenade and told him it's a beyblade.
What's black and sits on top of a staircase?
Stephen Hawking's after a house fire.
Why is Santa's sack always full?
Because he only comes once a year.
It only takes 4 inches to please a woman.
And it doesn’t matter if it’s credit or debit.
I actually want peace, not war.
That's what I always try reminding my girlfriend before beating her up.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite type of music?
Rock and Roll.
What do you call a homosexual wrestler?
Gay Mysterio.
My husband told me he just came into a lot of money.
Weird, he usually uses a sock.
What's an Alzheimer's victim's favorite musical group?
The Who?
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?
I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.
How do you know a woman is blind?
Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.
Why were the Twin Towers traumatized about eating?
After someone said, "HERE COMES THE AIR PLANE(s)," it just wasn't the same..........
What's the difference between Batman and a Black man???
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
"Pull down your pants, pull out my willy, stir your guts round like a hot bowl of chili."
Q. What's the difference between a Kevlar vest and a CEO?
A. The CEO isn't bulletproof.
I got kicked out of the hospital.
Apparently, the sign "Stroke patients here" meant something totally different.
All these people on here making me wish I knew them IRL.
Americans: I will cook the pizza.
Italians: I cooka de pizza!