Short jokes
Employer: Can you perform under pressure?
Me: No, but I do a pretty good "Bohemian Rhapsody."
Why was the turtle looking at her phone?
She wanted to take a shellfie.
Today I told my sis, "Knock knock."
She said, "Who's there?"
I said, "I Eat eat my mop."
She said, "I eat mop poo instead of who."
Knock, knock. Who's there? Susan. Susan who? Season your chicken, it's too plain!
I just stepped on a corn flake. I'm officially a cereal killer.
SPOILER ALERT...
I was going to tell you a joke about Thanos, but T. S. snapped it away!
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.
Xd.
A man walked into a bar...
Ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My grandad broke his legs.
To cheer him up, I bought him a Walkman.
It's not surprising there isn't a whole lot of good tree jokes.
Most foresters have a wooden personality.
How do you keep a moron in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow!
Why did an orphan kill ET?
To phone home.
Yo, sis, come here.
Sis: What?
Me: Oh, sorry, you doing school?
Sis: Yup.
Me: Can I go?
Sis: No way, you're going to hug me.
Me: I love you.
What do you call a smart pig?
A Swinestein.
A boy asks a zookeeper, "Why is there a baguette in a cage?"
The zookeeper says, "It's bread in captivity!"
Where do cows go to see the big screen? The mooo-vie theater.
Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!
Where does the resistor go after a long day?
It goes Ohm.
I went scuba diving last year. It was fun, but at the end, I ran out of oxygen.
It was a breathtaking experience.