Short jokes
An orphan asked if they could move into my house yesterday. I said, "Don't you have a family?"
My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.
What's big, bounces, and makes little kids cry?
My donation to the orphanage :)
A person could build a playground with your mood swings.
What did the cat say when he got mad?
I'm hissed!
What's the difference between a pig and a police officer?
The pig smells better.
GOTTVERDAMMT, Hans! I said, "Glass of juice," not "Gas the Jews!"
Why do orphans commit crimes?
To be wanted.
Why does a straight guy act gay? Because he wants to feel wanted and wants to be BFFs with the hottest girls.
We destroyed two boats, and they dropped the sun on us twice!
When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to just cheer up, god damn, why didn't I think of that?
What's overcrowded and uncomfortable?
My mind.
Did you hear about the cannibal who converted to Catholicism?
On Fridays, he only eats fishermen!
How do you help a starving cannibal?
You give him a hand!
I have a little John.
I’m taken, taken my own life, bitch!
Why do musicians in New Orleans smell so good?
Because they're jasmine (jazz men)!
They say I’m sliced like the apples in a kids meal.
What do you call an obnoxiously loud fog horn? A beginner saxophonist.
My bumper sticker says: "👋FORMER BABY ON BOARD."