In Soviet Russia, gay sex gets you arrested.
In America, getting arrested gets you gay sex.
In America, planes hit the Twin Towers. In Soviet Russia, Twin Towers hit planes.
A Russian walked into a bar... unlucky for him, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you
In Soviet Russia, You love Chinese and hate Chinese
In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."
In normal country you call it Yugoslavia. In soviet Russia its call aregoslavia.
In normal country you call it Yugoslavia. In soviet Russia its called yugostravia.
In america, you fight Ukraine. In soviet Russia, you fight Mykraine.
In America, you work on plantation In Soviet Russia, plantation work on you!
In America, you find Waldo In Soviet Russia, Waldo finds you
Three men are on a bench in Soviet Russia talking shit about Stalin. One of the men all of a sudden pulls out a kgb badge and says “you two are coming with me for treason.” One of the other men also pulls out a badge and says “Not me.” The third man pulls out a badge and says “Wow? There’s a lot of agents here.”
Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia. The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.
After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and asks the receptionist to bring tea to their room in five minutes.
The man walks back into the room, joins the table, leans towards a power outlet and speaks into it:
"Comrade major, we want some tea to room 62 please."
His friends laugh on the joke, until there is a knock on the door. The receptionist brings a teapot. His friends fall silent and pale, horrified of what they just witnessed. The party is dead, and the man goes to sleep.
After a good night's rest, the man wakes up, and notices his friends are gone. Surprised, he walks downstairs and asks the receptionist where they went.
The nervous receptionist whispers that KGB came and took them before dawn.
The man is horrified. He wonders why he was spared.
The receptionist responds:
"Well, comrade major did quite like your tea joke."
In America, you catch picachu, in Soviet Russia, picachu catches you. https://static.wixstatic.com/media/7a7436_784a4f4d74314d0f8d74234b57dcd2ee~mv2.jpeg
In america, mom births you.
In soviet russia, you birth mom.
