Short jokes

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? -- The letter F.

They laughed at my crayon drawing.

I laughed at their chalk outline.

Why did the blind man fall down the well?

He couldn't see that well.

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

What's the difference between a school and an ISIS military base? Don't ask me, I only fly the drone.

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.

But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.

Did you know that Germany came up with sparkling water?

Who else would think of adding gas?

Leave a like down below if you think Stephen Hawking should stand for the National Anthem.

I googled "How to start a wildfire." I got 48,500 matches.

I was very lonely so I bought some shares. -- It's nice to have a bit of company.

What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? -- Well, the flag is a big plus.

What's the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side.

How to fall down stairs.

Step 1. Step 2. Step 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

Roses are dead, violets are dead. I am a bad gardener.

If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. -- I lost my case.

What pool never runs dry?

The one on the Titanic.