Why are the twin towers mad?

They ordered pepperoni pizza but all they got was plain.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.

Why do midgets laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

I Googled “How to start a Wildfire”. I got 48,500 matches.

What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday.

idk he hasn’t opened it yet.

Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, “What kind of music do you like?” – The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.

Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

Stephen Hawking’s death was purely accidental. He clicked “shut-down” instead of “sleep”.

My family is like a cactus; A bunch of pricks.

Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash

Best pilot in Saudi Arabia

Leave a like Down below if you think Stephen Hawking should stand for the National Anthem

I’ve just been fired from the clock making factory after all those extra hours I put in.

If you push some one that’s bullying, if you kill some one that’s murder, if there is no evidence it’s nothing

What pool never runs dry? The one on the Titanic.

What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person

You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message

what’s the difference between a feminist and suicide vest

a least one does something when it is triggered

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. – I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

When you send nudes to your roblox gf and your uncle’s phone sounds with a text tone…

How do you start a rave? Throw a flash bang into an epileptic children’s ward

A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either really terrible news or really great news.