If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?

10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.

What did the wind say to the palm tree? Hold onto your nuts this is no ordinary blow job.

I donated 100dollars to a blind children’s charity, to bad they won’t ever see a dime of it

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. – I’m not really a mourning person.

I hate 2 faced people because I don’t know which face to slap first.

Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, i’m stuck here holding my rod

My girlfriend treats me like God. – She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where i should put my pants. “next to mine” was not the answer i was expecting

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

Dark humor is a lot like food.

Not everyone gets it.

Steven Hawking said there is no God, Then God said there is no Steven Hawking

What’s a perfect example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.

When its been halloween for a few months but there’s still a body hanging from your neighbours tree

my grandpa has a world record for holding his breathe… hes been holding it for 6 years.

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? – The letter F.

I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.

My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high…

A Blonde crashed A Helicopter. A Police Officer Asked Her What Happened. She Says, “It Got Cold So I Turned Off The Fan.”

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.