Short jokes

How do Mexicans feel about Trump's wall? -- They'll get over it.

I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn't have a homepage.

Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

How did Rihanna know that Chris Brown was cheating on her? There was a different color of lipstick on his knuckles.

My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."

"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at a funeral.

Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.

"What do we want?" "HEARING AIDS!" "When do we want them?" "HEARING AIDS!"

Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

Titanic: "And I'm nominating everyone on board for the Ice Bucket challenge!"

An atom loses an electron... It says, "Man, I really gotta keep an ion them."

Today was a bad day. There was a man throwing butter and cheese at me, how dairy!

What's the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side.

I got a handjob from a blind woman the other day. She said, "It's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand." I said, "No love, you're just pulling my leg."

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.

So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.

What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person?

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

I’d tell a sodium and hydrogen pun, but NaH.