Short Jokes

Anonymous
in Marriage

Two men were talking about their wives

The first man says “My wife is an angel.” The second man says “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

Anonymous

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. – I gave him a glass of water.

Anonymous

I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof

Person

A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either really terrible news or really great news.

7
Anonymous

To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket… You can hide, but you can’t run.

Anonymous
in School

An old teacher asked her student, “If I say, ‘I am beautiful,’ which tense is that?” The student replied, “It is obviously past.”

Weeb

Wife:Honey im pregnant

Husband:Hi Pregnant im dad

Wife:No you’re not

NibbaF..got69

Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, i’m stuck here holding my rod

Anonymous

“What do we want?”

“HEARING AIDS!”

“When do we want them?”

“HEARING AIDS!”

Anonymous

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead bodies

I dont have a Lamborghini in my garage

Anonymous

“Dad, how do stars die?” – “Usually an overdose.”

Pistacio
in People

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.

Then they call me ugly and poor

8
Anonymous

My family is like a cactus; A bunch of pricks.

4
Natalie

My family is like a treasure…

You need a map and shovel to find them.

Repost

“You’re da bomb!” “No, you’re da bomb!”

In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.

billy teh boot
in Bad

Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself…

Where the f*ck is my roof?

Anonymous
in Marriage

My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.

Anonymous

China should be a baseball team because they can take out the whole world with just a bat

8
Sasha

Kids in the backseat make accidents and accidents in the back seat make kids.

Anonymous

i remember my grandfathers last words: “is that loaded?”