Two men were talking about their wives
The first man says “My wife is an angel.” The second man says “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
Short Jokes
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. – I gave him a glass of water.
I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof
A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone. It’s either really terrible news or really great news.
To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket… You can hide, but you can’t run.
An old teacher asked her student, “If I say, ‘I am beautiful,’ which tense is that?” The student replied, “It is obviously past.”
Wife:Honey im pregnant
Husband:Hi Pregnant im dad
Wife:No you’re not
Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, i’m stuck here holding my rod
“What do we want?”
“HEARING AIDS!”
“When do we want them?”
“HEARING AIDS!”
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead bodies
I dont have a Lamborghini in my garage
“Dad, how do stars die?” – “Usually an overdose.”
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.
Then they call me ugly and poor
My family is like a cactus; A bunch of pricks.
My family is like a treasure…
You need a map and shovel to find them.
“You’re da bomb!” “No, you’re da bomb!”
In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself…
Where the f*ck is my roof?
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
China should be a baseball team because they can take out the whole world with just a bat
Kids in the backseat make accidents and accidents in the back seat make kids.
i remember my grandfathers last words: “is that loaded?”