Short jokes

Short Jokes

Dog

My dog kept chasing people on a bike. Eventually, it got so bad I had to take his bike away.

  • 2
  • Woman

    I got a handjob from a blind woman the other day. She said, "It's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand." I said, "No love, you're just pulling my leg."

  • 4
  • Diarrhea

    Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.

    Bank

    Give a man a gun, and he will rob a bank.

    Give a man a bank, and he will rob everyone.

  • 6
  • Marriage

    Marriage is like a deck of cards.

    In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond.

    By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.

    Salad

    How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?

    Stab it twenty-three times.

  • 8
  • Accident

    Kids in the backseat make accidents, and accidents in the back seat make kids.

    Blind woman

    A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone.

    It’s either really terrible news or really great news.

  • 7
  • Landmine

    I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

    Windmill

    Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."

  • 6
  • Titanic

    Titanic: "And I'm nominating everyone on board for the Ice Bucket challenge!"

    Future

    My future is so bright, I need a flashlight to see where I'm going.

  • 8
  • Breath

    My grandpa has a world record for holding his breath. He's been holding it for 6 years.

  • 8
  • Death

    I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.