Short jokes
According to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.
My mom said, "Take out the trash," and I said, "Okay." The next day she asked, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "In line to get crushed."
I was always poked and told at weddings your next...
So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....
Q. What's a bulimic's favorite movie?
A. The Purge.
I asked a person in a wheelchair if they wanted to fight. All I had to do is say, "Stand up!"
I asked my rigger buddy if he could tie me up later, he said, "I'm a frayed knot."
What did the constipated bum say to the other bum?
Piss don't s**t on me!
What does a bungee jumper and a homosexual have in common?
When the rubber snaps, they both end up in the shit! 💩
Pizza Hut.
What do you call a person with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you told them twice.
Who is buried in the tomb of Alexander the Grape?
Alexander the raisin.
Why does Tesco like midgets?
Every little helps.
what do you call an American looking at cloud shapes?
Oppenheimer
Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, "Isn't it dark down here?" She replies, "I don't know. I can't see."
What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?
Returning to the scene of the crime.
What do you call Dominos when it doesn't know how to cook pizza?
Domi-don't-knows...
Why is Beast Boy so good at flying?
Terra hasn't forgiven him.
What is one plus one?
It's TOO hard!
You'll never be lonely at cousinsonly.com.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light.