Short jokes
When you realize you have depression, and depression realizes how stupid you were.
I don't like the word "gun".
Whenever I say it, people always get triggered.
Why can't a cheetah play hide and seek?
Because he's always spotted.
Why doesn't Barbie ever get pregnant? Because Ken comes in a different box!
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. The odds were against me.
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: How do you breathe through that little thing?
If a midget walks up to you and tells you your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' elbow.
Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork, but bigger ones need a crane.
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? -- "Bison."
Why did the tomato blush? -- Because it saw the salad dressing.
What do you call an athlete who injured 75% of his spine?
A quarterback.
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? -- A stick.
Where did the cat go when it lost its tail? -- To the retail store!
Who's the best at musical chairs?
Stephen Hawking.
I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts,' which, on one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.
I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."
According to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.
What do you call the space in between Kim Kardashian's breasts?
Silicon Valley.