Short jokes
When you realize you have depression, and depression realizes how stupid you were.
I don't like the word "gun".
Whenever I say it, people always get triggered.
Why can't a cheetah play hide and seek?
Because he's always spotted.
Why doesn't Barbie ever get pregnant? Because Ken comes in a different box!
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. The odds were against me.
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: How do you breathe through that little thing?
If a midget walks up to you and tells you your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?
Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork, but bigger ones need a crane.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' elbow.
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? -- "Bison."
Why did the tomato blush? -- Because it saw the salad dressing.
What do you call an athlete who injured 75% of his spine?
A quarterback.
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? -- A stick.
Where did the cat go when it lost its tail? -- To the retail store!
Who's the best at musical chairs?
Stephen Hawking.
I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts,' which, on one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.
I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."
According to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.
What do you call the space in between Kim Kardashian's breasts?
Silicon Valley.