Short jokes
Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because he knows he isn't allowed to come in the back door.
What is the female version of t-bagging? A clam slapping.
What do you say to a feminist with no arms and no legs?
"Nice tits, bitch."
When the priest said, "Be gone from this boy, demon!" the demon replied, "And you get out of the boy!"
What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?
The washer doesn't take loads for free.
Why do witches wear name tags?
So they know which witch is which!
American soldier: "Did you come here to die?"
Australian soldier: "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterdie."
Why do dolphins live in salt water?
Because pepper water would make them sneeze!
Fat people are like the Twin Towers. Once they go down, they don’t come back up.
I feel bad for the guy in 9/11 who ordered a salami pizza. Instead, he just got a plane.
Q. What's the biggest cause of infant drownings? A. Postpartum depression.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? Apples get picked. Orphans don't.
What's an upside of being an orphan?
You'll never get grounded again.
Why did the emo break up with her boyfriend?
He didn't wanna hang out.
I recently became the coach of an orphanage baseball team.
Because I hate dealing with parents.
I tried to adopt an orphan. The card got declined harder than the child did.
You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.
You look sexy with that rope around your neck.
How do you know you've found a priest? When little Timmy is glued to his crotch.
If I was any more inbred, I'd be a sandwich.