Short jokes
Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"
How do you know if spaghetti is a boy or a girl? It's meatballs.
An orphan? We no jokes.
Jokeless orphan since they were always stacked on jokes.
Playing Russian roulette alone means you're bound to be a winner eventually.
What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?
I can't jump off a burrito.
Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I had no idea why though...
Then IT hit me.
Today we had a test on September 11th in school. I got a 9/11.
Mom: I'm getting you a dog!
Me: OMG REALLY?!
Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?
Me:...
Me: Bitch, please.
What did they give Elmo before he left the factory? Two test-tickles.
Why does Sans say "I got a bone to pick with you?"
Because he needs to pick your balls.
What did the blind kid get for his birthday?
I don't know, he still didn't look.
Orphans don't like family sized chips, I wonder why.
Apple made a new product for Chinese people called the iOpener.
My wife made electric eel for supper. I was shocked!
What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?
They both like lil' boys.
I have a choking kink, so I will enjoy hanging.
Bestfriend @3am: I love you.
Me: Love you too.
*wait whatttttttttttttttttttt*
I don't know if this is funny.
what do you get when you cross parents, the san fran bridge and a moody asian teen?
Niagra falls
Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat?
Because if they fell forward, they'd still be on the boat.
The Twin Towers remind me of an emote... bing, bang, boom.