Short jokes
I want to write some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them works.
Why do orphans cause trouble at school?
So the teachers will call their parents.
Playing soccer in a wheelchair is basically Rocket League in real life.
How do you make a dishwasher work again?
Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"
Why are Black people getting stronger?
Because the TVs are getting bigger.
What is the difference between the Twin Towers and Elton John?
Elton John is still standing.
Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.
What is white with red all over?...
JFK.
Man: Cow milk is drinkable.
Other man: How do you know that?
Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*
Other man: John...h-how do you know that!
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?
One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.
My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan?
Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.
What is the only place fat people live?
Obi-city.
The trip from your eyebrow to your hairline costs $6000.
"Spray and pray," also known as a priest with an altar boy.
My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."