Short jokes
Your forehead is so big, Mastermind got jealous.
What did the octopus say to the other? "Let’s hold hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands."
I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"
Trust your calculator. It's something to count on.
A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"
One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
Down syndrome kid: Stop being greedy with the Legos! Me: Stop being greedy with the chromosomes!
*Watches sad movie with family*
Everyone else: *Crying*
Sister: How aren't you crying?
Me: I have no tears left to cry...
What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?
- A VEGUN.
Dr. Brody: Sir, your son has a disease called boofa.
Dad: What's boofa?
Dr. Brody: Both of these nuts in your mouth.
I named my dog Syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I say, “Get down, Syndrome!”
A mirror and a terrorist are the same... Only... a mirror doesn't need a gun to kill.
What do you call a group of white people running down a hill?
An avalanche.
A feminist walks into a bar. Her friend says, "Oh my god, your shoulders are broad!" Another woman says, "Are you sure it's a woman?"
If laughter is the best medicine, shouldn't we go up to disabled people and laugh at them?
How do fish get to school?
By the octobus.
Why didn't the Japanese guy get a high five?
Logan Paul left him hanging.
How do Asians name their kids?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs. (ching chong dong)
How do you make a dead baby float?
1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.
If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. After all, they are independent and need no man.
Cheer on the rapist if you want.