Short jokes
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
Why don’t old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?
Everyone: You gotta pay the cost to be the boss.
Germans: You gotta be the caust to be the boss.
My favorite place to make a bonfire? Orphanages, of course, silly!
There are only 2 genders: if you have a dick, or a pussy.
Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night, she’s back in bed.
Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.
Why was Santa happy?
Because he had 3 hoes.
What do you call an autistic black man with a rifle?
Black ops.
What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?
They both say "Hello children!"
I went to the tattoo shop and asked for a skull.
A Jewish guy behind me said, "A skull? Back in my day, we could only get numbers!"
Guy: Whose place? Mine or yours?
Girl: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Fat chicks be like, "Am I fox pretty, bunny pretty, cat pretty, or deer pretty?" Like none, bitch, you elephant pretty. 😭😭😭
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
How much do 2000 pounds of Chinese noodles weigh? Won Ton.
We stopped by the reception desk, but the receptionist informed us, "I am wan kin the manager." So we just left in disgust!
What is the real reason why men jack off? They just enjoy killing kids.
There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.
If having sex for money makes you a wh*re, then what does having sex for free make you?
Non-profit wh*reganisation.
I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away!