Short jokes
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.
Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.
"Me so cutie right?"
There's nothing I like more than seeing a politician in a nice suit.
An orange jumpsuit that is :)
You're so ugly that when The Oh Hellos saw you, they were like "Oh Bye!"
A man ate a glue stick. It tasted bad. He died. Hahahahah!
I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.
—Shane Richie, British actor
Why is Marcus gay? Because he's gay.
Can you fuck me, please?
Elementary school kids: School is fun.
Me: Yeah, yeah, just keep believing that.
Look for the Gummy Bear album in stores on November 13th, with lots of music, videos, and extras!
Your mom saw Uranus and never was the same in HD. :)
What do you get when you cross a cat and a dinosaur? A cat-astrophe!
What do you call a pole dancer?
A stripper.
What song is sung when conceiving?
"Let's Get Physical, Physical!"
What did God say when he made the first woman?
"Where is your dick at?"
How did they know the teacher onboard the spaceship had dandruff?
Cause her Head and Shoulders were everywhere!
Why did the knight cross the road?
He can't because his armor was too heavy.
Good morning everybody, well I could say that unlike emo kids.
A guy walks into a zoo, but it only has one dog.
It's a shitzu.
What's 9 divided by 11?
Well, I know it's less than two alright!