Short jokes
How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.
How do you know your sister’s on her period? Your dad's cock tastes funny.
Papa John's pizzeria and abortion clinic. You make 'em, we bake 'em.
I'm not a failure. Suuuurrrre.
Who is Santa's favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley!
What did Trump rename the Presidential plane?
Answer: Hair Force One!
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
A hot dog and a banana had a race. Who won?
The wiener.
What do astronauts eat off of? A satellite dish.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So, she gets a divorce.
My ex still misses me... But her aim is getting better every time!
My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I tried to tell an orphan a knock-knock joke, but sadly, there was no door to knock on.
I'm so excited for Christmas Pudding... Pudding these nuts in your mouth.
"Twins sitting in class."
Me: Casually throws a paper plane at them.
How many Trump supporters does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None, Trump says it is all done and they cheer in the dark.
I think Abraham Lincoln was gay because a guy shot from behind.
How do you get Wacko Jacko to come inside your shop? Have little boys' pants half off!
COP: Are you high?
ME: If I was high, could I do this? *walks in a perfectly straight line*
COP: Wth he just walked off a cliff.