Short jokes

"Better lock 'em doors and turn the lights down low... Better turn 'em on, just stubbed my f***ing toe!"

Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?

It's called "One More Thyme."

I would say a good joke, but all the good ones Argon.

What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been sighted.

Husband: "I think I might take a picture of your breasts and frame it."

Wife: "I think I'll take a picture of your penis and enlarge it."

I ain't shaking anyone's hand, not because of the Coronavirus... I ain't shaking anyone's hand because y'all out of toilet paper!

Q: What was the name of Michael Jackson's last book?

A: The ins and outs of child rearing.

"I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday, but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry."

How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?

By cutting off her fingers.

I was walking down the street when I thought I smelled my ex's perfume. Turns out, I was standing in front of a fish market.

If you’re forced to have it as a child, you won’t like it as an adult.

I guess Hitler was forced to have vegetables when he was younger.

What's better than sex with your 12 year old sister?

Rolling her over and pretending it's your 10 year old brother.

There once was a little girl named Sarah with no arms and legs.

*knock knock*

Who's there!

Not Sarah.

What's the difference between an elephant and a feminist?

The feminist is overweight.

Americans won't have a Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Why not? They sent their turkey to the White House.

Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted?

It was quite a shocker.

I identify as kilometers per second because I want to km/s.

I wish my lawn was emo, because then it would cut itself.

What do you call a funny cow?

A cowmedian.

Are you a Samsung Galaxy Note 7? Because I want to explode in you!