Short jokes

Husband: "I think I might take a picture of your breasts and frame it."

Wife: "I think I'll take a picture of your penis and enlarge it."

What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been sighted.

I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents always told me when I was little that the sky was the limit.

At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.

I ain't shaking anyone's hand, not because of the Coronavirus... I ain't shaking anyone's hand because y'all out of toilet paper!

Q: What was the name of Michael Jackson's last book?

A: The ins and outs of child rearing.

"I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday, but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry."

What do you call a Chinese billionaire?

Cha Ching.

How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?

By cutting off her fingers.

I was walking down the street when I thought I smelled my ex's perfume. Turns out, I was standing in front of a fish market.

There once was a little girl named Sarah with no arms and legs.

*knock knock*

Who's there!

Not Sarah.

Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted?

It was quite a shocker.

What's the difference between an elephant and a feminist?

The feminist is overweight.

Americans won't have a Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Why not? They sent their turkey to the White House.

What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person? "What's bringing you down?"

Are you a Samsung Galaxy Note 7? Because I want to explode in you!

What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."

Hairy vagina is like sweets with the wrapper on. You don't like it, but you still eat it.

"I wasn't that drunk yesterday."

"Oh boy, you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying."

I wish my lawn was emo, because then it would cut itself.