Short jokes
My ex still misses me... But her aim is getting better every time!
What do astronauts eat off of? A satellite dish.
My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
Papa John's pizzeria and abortion clinic. You make 'em, we bake 'em.
I'm not a failure. Suuuurrrre.
What did Trump rename the Presidential plane?
Answer: Hair Force One!
What do maths and 9/11 have in common?
They both prove two parallel lines can be intercepted by a plane.
How do you know your sister’s on her period? Your dad's cock tastes funny.
What did the Asian parents say when they had a disabled kid?
Sum ting wong.
How many Trump supporters does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None, Trump says it is all done and they cheer in the dark.
What is something feminists crave but will never get? Semen.
I think Abraham Lincoln was gay because a guy shot from behind.
How do you get Wacko Jacko to come inside your shop? Have little boys' pants half off!
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
A hot dog and a banana had a race. Who won?
The wiener.
Who is Santa's favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley!
What's the difference between humans and trash cans? One's actually useful.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So, she gets a divorce.
I'm shocked, my new toaster isn't waterproof.