Short jokes
Ring ring.
Abortion clinic!
Where no fetus can beat us.
There once was a little girl named Sarah with no arms and legs.
*knock knock*
Who's there!
Not Sarah.
Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted?
It was quite a shocker.
What's the difference between an elephant and a feminist?
The feminist is overweight.
Americans won't have a Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Why not? They sent their turkey to the White House.
What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person? "What's bringing you down?"
Are you a Samsung Galaxy Note 7? Because I want to explode in you!
What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."
Hairy vagina is like sweets with the wrapper on. You don't like it, but you still eat it.
"I wasn't that drunk yesterday."
"Oh boy, you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying."
I wish my lawn was emo, because then it would cut itself.
What do you call a funny cow?
A cowmedian.
I identify as kilometers per second because I want to km/s.
My autistic son hates taking baths or showers.
I don’t blame him, I don’t like soggy vegetables either.
What did one piece of toilet paper say to the other? "I feel really wiped."
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of salad?
A chicken sees a salad (chicken Caesar salad).
How is the world like dirt?
Because we don't think twice about it.
What did the North tower say to the south tower? "Sorry, can't talk, got to catch a plane."
Guess Stephen's batteries died.
My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She's got my sister's eyes.