Short jokes

What do you call a dead baby?

Spawn killed.

What do girls and noodles have in common?

They both wiggle when you eat them.

Husband: "I think I might take a picture of your breasts and frame it."

Wife: "I think I'll take a picture of your penis and enlarge it."

What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been sighted.

I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents always told me when I was little that the sky was the limit.

At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.

I ain't shaking anyone's hand, not because of the Coronavirus... I ain't shaking anyone's hand because y'all out of toilet paper!

Q: What was the name of Michael Jackson's last book?

A: The ins and outs of child rearing.

"I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday, but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry."

What do you call a Chinese billionaire?

Cha Ching.

How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?

By cutting off her fingers.

I was walking down the street when I thought I smelled my ex's perfume. Turns out, I was standing in front of a fish market.

There once was a little girl named Sarah with no arms and legs.

*knock knock*

Who's there!

Not Sarah.

Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted?

It was quite a shocker.

What's the difference between an elephant and a feminist?

The feminist is overweight.

Americans won't have a Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Why not? They sent their turkey to the White House.

What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person? "What's bringing you down?"

Are you a Samsung Galaxy Note 7? Because I want to explode in you!

What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."

Hairy vagina is like sweets with the wrapper on. You don't like it, but you still eat it.