Short jokes

What do you say to a fat Asian?

You got more chins than a Chinese phone book.

My girlfriend's a porn star.

She'd kill me if she found out.

You guys should be ashamed of yourselves, making fun of the disabled. After all, they can't stand up for themselves.

What do you do when your baby starts screaming?

Use more lube.

What do emos and the Twin Towers have in common? There were two, but now there are none.

This homeless lady called me ugly, so I told her, "Okay, then I'm going home."

My mom told me to get off the computer or she will slam my head into the keyboard.

I don't think she lskdjfklsdjf.

I cried when my dad was chopping onions. Onions was a good dog.

A man walks into a bar with a 44. Magnum and yells, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" The bartender answers, "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets."

Your forehead is too big. I can see my future when it shines.

Me: My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, and I had her wheelchair.

Me: Guess who came crawling right back?

I used to have a fear of hurdles.

But I got over it.

Can I branch out to some tree puns? Willow you allow me it’s only fur. No? Oakome on!

Q: What did the cannibal say to the leper?

A: You gonna eat that?

What do Evil Knievel and Michael Jackson have in common? Both have skidmarks on their helmets.

Helen Keller fell down a well. She screamed and screamed until she was blue in the hands.

Dear math,

Please grow up and solve your own problems. I'm tired of solving them for you.

Thanks.

How do you confuse a blonde? Put it in a circle and tell it to sit in the corner.

My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

How did the USA beat Japan in rapping?

By dropping two of the biggest roasts.