Short jokes
"Better lock 'em doors and turn the lights down low... Better turn 'em on, just stubbed my f***ing toe!"
Why can't orphans have sex?
They have no one to call "daddy".
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Husband: "I think I might take a picture of your breasts and frame it."
Wife: "I think I'll take a picture of your penis and enlarge it."
Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?
It's called "One More Thyme."
I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
Thunderwear.
What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been sighted.
What do you call a paralyzed turtle?
Shell shocked.
I was going to write a corny joke, but those are a bit too EAR-itating.
At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.
What did the rope and the tree say to the kid?
Do you want to hang later?
Why are the Americans good at Rubik's cubes? Because they have a long history of separating colors.
Why do orphans love drinking water? Because they have no milk to drink!
I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self-control.
I ain't shaking anyone's hand, not because of the Coronavirus... I ain't shaking anyone's hand because y'all out of toilet paper!
Q: What was the name of Michael Jackson's last book?
A: The ins and outs of child rearing.
"I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday, but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry."
What did the Chinese family name their retarded kid? Something Wong.
How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?
By cutting off her fingers.